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20 North Shore Towers Courier n August 2016 Bikini: Suit or Island I was in Barnes and Noble recently looking for a book to buy. As I passed a magazine rack an attention-grabbing picture caught my eye. On the cover of one particular magazine was this gorgeous young woman who looked like she was a size one. Her claim to fame is that she will tell you how to get ready for bikini weather in three weeks. Well, my first impulse was, WHAT? Do you think I can look like that in three weeks? Not even three years. She could don a bikini immediately, but do you think I can get out of my union suit in three weeks’ time to wear a teeny bikini? I wasn’t even wearing a bikini when Brian Hyland was singing about an “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini.” She’s not fooling me. When you’re young and fit, even a shmatta looks great. Maybe I should tell that to the girl on the cover. Anyway her first bit of advice not only prepares you for your bikini but also supposedly prepares you for life! She implies that it’s also in the attitude. Number one: to begin with you have to wake up sexy. For that you must have radiant skin; therefore, she suggests you sleep with a facemask. So I guess to be sexy and radiant by day you have to look like Halloween by night. Not something every husband would welcome. Although who knows? The kinky type might enjoy it. If I did that and leaned over and said, “Boo,” I wouldn’t want to be responsible for what could happen next. 911 anyone? Also you must have Goddess hair, which looks full and fresh. Who wouldn’t welcome Goddess hair? At my age, any hair would work! Her next advice is to have kiss-me lips. Sure! How do you do that? Botox anyone? My lips are already kiss-me lips. My grandchildren kiss me all the time and tell me in addition to being wonderful, I’m their most beautiful grandmother. I have to say that I love them more because they always tell “the truth.” Now, I don’t have to knock myself out, because those I care about see me the way that counts. Supposedly, after achieving all the above steps, I am now ready for the beach. Oh, by the way, not only can I now wear a bikini, but also because of the advice, I can wear shorts and tank tops. The article never mentions a word about a diet or exercise. I guess the gorgeous babe is what your supposed to start out with. My question is with the bikini and shorts and tank top, where am I supposed to conceal all the things that jiggle and wiggle, like my arms, my midriff and thighs, etc. etc? Personally, I think I’d be more comfortable resting in a chaise wearing a hazmat suit on a Bikini Island (where atomic bomb testing took place) rather than wearing a bikini at the beach. SENIOR MOMENTS by gloria beck THE ART OF ELDER LAW For more than 30 years the elder law firm of Ronald Fatoullah & Associates has been providing New Yorkers with legal solutions that protect, relieve and endure for generations. Our dedicated attorneys are skilled in the art of giving legal advice and are accomplished in elder law, Medicaid eligibility, estate planning, trusts, estate mediation, wills, asset protection, guardianships, probate and most issues associated with the challenges of aging. Our distinguished reputation is based on a commitment to the highest ethical and professional standards and our core values of honesty, integrity, and excellence. “We won’t settle for anything less”. 1-877- ELDER LAW 1-877-ESTATES Queens • Long Island • Manhattan • Brooklyn ATTORNEY ADVERTISING


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