EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:
MEANING AND MASTERY
BY DR. NURIT ISRAELI
“There is an old-fashioned word for the body
of skills that emotional intelligence represents:
character.”
– Daniel Goleman
Think about people throughout your life who
have become good friends. Although they may
be different from one another, can you identify
traits they tend to share? I will start: My good
friends are self-aware, empath-ic,
considerate, and caring.
They understand and try to
manage their emotions and take
responsibility for their actions.
Likewise, they are mindful of
the emotions of those around
them. They can typically deal
with tricky situations without
upsetting or offending others.
They are good listeners. They
know what to say and how to
say it. They are willing to look
at themselves honestly. They
take criticism well and use it
to improve. When I need help,
they follow up and follow
through. They revel in good
things that happen to me and
partake in my sorrows. They
share their feelings and want
to know mine. They try to
understand my point of view
even when different from theirs.
In other words, they are emotionally intelligent,
and their presence enriches my life.
Now think of someone in your life, either
at work or in your personal life: a past friend,
a colleague, or anyone with whom you had a
close contact. Someone who was unable to accu-rately
perceive his or her own feelings and was
oblivious to yours. Someone who always had to
be right, behaved insensitively, said the wrong
thing at the wrong time, was reluctant to listen
to what anyone else had to say, dominated con-versations,
interrupted, had to win at all costs,
had frequent emotional outbursts, blamed others
for problems, was unwilling to accept criticism,
and never felt accountable when something went
wrong. This is an extreme example, I know, but
it gives you an idea of the type of person who
exhibits low emotional intelligence.
‘Intelligence’ is not a unidimensional con-cept.
Rather, there are multiple intelligences
and, although we often overestimate the value
of intellectual giftedness, the purely cognitive
abilities measured by conventional IQ tests fail
to fully explain competence. IQ does not account
for intra-personal intelligence – the capacity
to understand and manage one’s own feelings
and motivations, or for interpersonal intelli-gence
– the capacity to understand other people.
However, the less tangible emotionally-based
wisdom is just as important!
The term Emotional Intelligence (also known
as EQ, Emotional Quotient) was coined in 1990
by a pair of researchers, Salovey and Mayer,
who began to study the ways in which emo-tions
contribute to cognitive functioning. The
term became broadly recognized following the
publishing of the book Emotional Intelligence
– Why it Matters More than IQ, in 1995, by psy-chologist
Daniel Goleman, a leading authority
in the field, who for many years reported on
the brain and behavioral sciences for the New
York Times. The book was on the New York
Times bestseller list for a year and a half, with
more than five million copies in print worldwide
in 30 languages. Goleman followed up with a
number of books, and other scholars across
multiple fields of study continued his research,
reinforcing the use of the term. Numerous books
and research studies have been and are still being
created.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
Emotional Intelligence is the capacity to be
aware of, understand, regulate, and express
one’s own emotions appropriately and effec-tively.
It also comprises the capacity to identify,
comprehend, and respond to the emotions of
others and handle interpersonal relationships
judiciously and empathetically.
According to Goleman, emotional intelli-gence
is the largest single predictor of success
in the workplace and a key to personal suc-cess.
It encompasses several closely interrelated
components:
1. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize,
understand, and monitor our own feelings. Part
of self-awareness also involves being aware of
how our emotions and actions affect those
around us. Well before the concept of emo-tional
intelligence came into being, Aristotle
said: “Knowing yourself is the beginning of
all wisdom.” It truly seems to be...
2. Self-regulation is the ability to handle neg-ative
feelings – keeping disruptive feelings and
impulses under control. People
capable of self-regulation think
before acting and consider the
consequences of acting in a
particular way. Their emotional
reactions are in proportion to
the specific occurrences. Self-regulation
entails abilities to
cope with difficult situations,
manage conflict, and ease
tensions. Vincent Van Gogh
said: “Let’s not forget that the
little emotions are the great
captains of our lives and we
obey them without realizing
it.” He was right. Since we
tend to ‘obey’ our emotions,
we better learn to manage them
effectively...
3. Motivation is the ability
to focus on one’s inner needs
(beyond external rewards) and
manage emotions in service
of a goal. This includes sti-fling
impulsiveness and delaying gratification.
Intrinsic motivation is a combination of drive,
initiative, optimism, resilience, persistence, and
commitment to achieve personal goals beyond
just financial success or recognition.
4. Empathy is the wish and the ability to
understand where another person is coming
from. Empathic people are less judgmental. They
can walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and feel
compassion for what he or she is going through.
Empathy is a prerequisite for all other social
competencies.
5. Social skills encompass an awareness of
the needs of other people and an ability to inter-act
with others competently and appropriately.
People with developed social skills are good
listeners, are open to others’ perspectives, com-municate
well verbally and non-verbally, develop
rapport easily, are adept to working in teams,
and are skilled in navigating social complexities.
Empathy and social skills are the interpersonal
part of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in
any form of leadership. Good leaders, accord-ing
to studies, are self-aware, honest, straight-forward,
and skilled at regulating their own
24 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ November 2021