Every generation has its
styles—from zoot suits to
flapper dresses. They are
so special the moment people are
wearing them, kind of a societal
a statement. My generation wore
poodle skirts with crinolines
under them and white nubucks
or saddle shoes. I would think
every generation had one thing in
common: as clothes aged, dirtied
beyond salvation or became full
of holes, they were thrown out.
However, this seems not to be true
these days.
When I recently walked through
an upscale department store, I
found myself in a department where
every type of clothing was holey
and I don’t mean the religious kind.
The larger the hole, the larger the
price tag. Really? I think some very
smart person went to a recycling
plant and came up with an idea,
and found a way to make gold out
of schmattas.
I read recently someone was
now adding strategically placed,
embedded dirt to his newest clothing
line. I think they were calling
it, “Schmutz and Schmatta.”If
someone is inclined to buy this,
I also have a bridge for sale! Like
old baseball cards and comics I
never valued, I’ve probably given
away clothes I could have made a
fortune on.
Everything is different today and
every style fits in. I’ve also seen
styles these days, which at one time,
could have gotten someone arrested
for indecent exposure. While I
was recently in the supermarket, a
man in front of me bent down to
get something from a lower shelf.
He was wearing his pants so low
when he bent over, I got a “fullmoon.”
I hadn’t expected what
one would describe as a “weather
report” at that moment, especially
in a supermarket.
In ads, clothing is now described
in terms of low rise, high rise, short
shorts, walking shorts, capris, ankle
length, boot length, slimming—you
get the idea. Anything you can
imagine. Too many choices.
I like clothing sized S, M and L
instead of a designated number. I
don’t know what number I now
wear. The last time I looked, tape
measures didn’t go up to infinity.
There are shirts, which have slits
on the shoulders; they are called
the “cold shoulder.” In my day giving
someone the “cold shoulder”
wasn’t a good thing. Today the style
makes millions of dollars. “Cold
shoulder” is a great look and it also
covers those flaps under your arms,
but I don’t think I’d like those offthe
shoulder peasant style shirts,
because you must go strapless. In
which case, I’d need something like
an erector set to make it work.
How about leggings/jeggings? I’d
like an orthopedic pair; you know,
the kind that keeps your new knees
in place. What ever happened to
Bermuda shorts? Although with
my height shrinking at a rapid pace,
they would now fit me as what we
used to call peddle-pushers. The
other day I saw a young girl wearing
what looked like a tight ace
bandage around her lower body.
I thought, “poor thing. She must
have been in an accident.” No! It
was her skirt. No bandage shorts for
me. Actually, I could wear a girdle
and get the same effect. That’s a
scary thought.
I see wedge shoes are back. I
threw some out recently. If you
have enough closet space and can
wait ten years, everything comes
back in style. I used to wear heels
all day when I taught and my feet
never bothered me. Luckily, they
don’t bother me too much now, but
there are days I’m glad I can walk.
However, because I’m lazy, to
make things easier, I’d like a pair
of robotic shoes and maybe when I
put them on they’d do the walking
for me. Why not? It’s not such a
crazy idea. Don’t they have driverless
cars? Personally, I think the
shoes today are designed by orthopedists.
It’s good for business—one
turn, one twist the wrong way earns
you a trip to the ER and a follow
up visit to the orthopedist.
Thin is always in and there are
all sorts of ways to make you look
thin. My bathing suit has a girdle
built into it. Where the schmaltz in
my body is pushed and how far it
pushes, I can only speculate, but
somehow, I have fat ankles and
what looks like a goiter when I put
the bathing suit on. Hmm!
I’m not really kvetching about
today’s clothing. I’d like more of
the latest styles to trickle down to
me. I’m absolutely envious! My
husband used to say, “You’re as
young as you feel, and I feel like a
million bucks tonight.” Honestly,
it’s the attitude that counts. If you’re
dressed in your favorite schmatta
that’s ten years old and you exude
happiness, that’s all you need. It
beats torn clothes and cold shoulders
every time.
HOLEY MOLEY
20 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ September 2017