A WEIGHTY MATTER
I was sitting in a doctor’s office,
reading a health magazine,
when I came across an article
on weight. Am I going to read about
weight loss again?! It tells how to
lose 10 pounds, 20 pounds or 50
pounds. It’s convenient being in a
doctor’s office. If you carry this too
far the doctor’s name is on the cover
and you can always call him in an
emergency, kind of like selling a
service as well as good health.
Having to lose weight is something
we’ve all gone through at
some point in our lives. I can’t
tell you how many times I’ve been
through this. Let’s face it! Like
millions of others, I love food. But
why does it look better on some
people? I’ll bet if we all pooled our
expenditures on an eating program
during our lifetime, we could probably
buy a timeshare on the Riviera.
I like to exercise, but not all
the time, unless you count getting
up and walking to the fridge and
opening and closing the door as
a quasi-calorie burning activity.
Is shopping for food, walking up
and down the aisles, exercise? Does
chewing count? According to my
husband, I have thinner fingers,
because I’m always dialing in food
orders! How about lifting a pile of
menus and distributing them while
in a restaurant? Does that count for
something?
Let’s get serious. It’s not always
what you eat, but rather the
quantity. I used to ask my
students at school, “What
weighs more, a pound
of feathers or
a pound of
bricks?” They
always said
bricks. The perception
is the
b r i c k s
a r e
heavier
even if they
weigh the same as
feathers.
So I go for
some foods
you and I wouldn’t eat in
our sober moments, but they’re filling
and easier to deal with, because
they’re lighter. For example, mock
chopped liver isn’t as good as the
real thing, but it is healthier. Ugh!!!
Come to think of it, I’d rather eat
feathers.
I remember trying to lose weight
for my son’s Bar Mitzvah. I was
young and the person
taking the
application
at Weight
Wa t c h e r s
asked if I wanted
a senior discount.
Had I sparred
with her on
the spot,
would
t h a t
have been
considered exercise?
Anyway, I lost 65 pounds
over many months and
gained them back the day
after the affair. Maybe not
exactly, but it felt that way.
I made up my mind then and
there you don’t lose weight for a
special event in your life. Your life
should be the special event. Have
I kept the promise to myself that I
will keep my weight at the healthiest
level? No, but I’ve tried. You
know, there are parameters—the
lowest and highest healthy weights.
I’ll let you guess which numbers
I use.
While researching this matter,
I’ve found the best spot to stand
on my scale and the best spot on
my floor to put the scale, and sometimes,
I just skip the scale and let
my clothes tell me the truth.
Let me tell you, a bikini grandmom
I’ll never be, unless they put
Spanx in them. I feel this is the “age
of entitlement” and I’m entitled to
enjoy myself. Was Marie Antionette
wrong when she said, “Let them
eat cake?” OMG, the word cake
triggered something. Waiter, please
bring me the dessert menu stat!!!
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