Well, if something is not attainable
because of the circumstances we’re
living under at this moment in time,
then we may have to accept a new
example of perfect. How about
the phrase, “That’s as perfect as
it can be?” I used to be a perfect
height but I’m not 5’6” anymore.
Who cares? I can still stand on my
toes if I can’t reach something and
besides, I can always use my new
companion, my cane.
Because of the virus situation, we
won’t exactly dock everywhere and
the food on the ship will probably
be loaded with preservatives so it’ll
last longer. I’m thinking what’s so
bad about preservatives in food?
“At my age, I need all the preservatives
I can get.”* I can no longer eat
those delicious fatty meatballs with
my spaghetti. Now I eat chicken
meatballs. I’ve learned to love that.
Although sometimes the feathers
can be annoying. I can’t eat the full
fat cottage cheese and full strength
sugary Jello that I love so much.
Now my cottage cheese has 0% fat
and the unsweetened Jello leaves
an aftertaste, so I add the no-fat
whipped cream to that. Oy vey.
Those chemicals are starting to
get to me. My ice cream sundaes
with no sugar added and sugar free
chocolate syrup are “chalushes”
(disgusting), but I manage.
I can’t go into a swimming pool
without a mask so I take an extra
long shower and splash around a
bit. My last shower lasted over an
hour but it was fun. I must apologize
to my downstairs neighbors
who got the overflow.
I can’t go to a movie. So now
I have Netflix and Amazon. I am
hooked on four different series. I
don’t sleep because of them. That’s
ok because now I have a legitimate
reason to stay awake at night.
I can’t go into a restaurant, so I
order in food, play light music on
TV channel 1949, light a battery
operated candle and talk to my
Alexa Echo robot. She has become
very social. Last night she asked me
if I wanted soft music to fall asleep
to, not my usual Dolly Parton stuff.
You know as I write this story
I’ve come to realize my life isn’t
all that bad after all. It’s the new
normal, and the new perfect. It’s
starting to work.
Stay safe. Stay well.
Love you,
Gloria
*Anonymous author
** Lyrics by Johnny Mercer
Funny Things Keep Happening
to the English Language
BY MARIAN NEMETSKY
Funny things keep happening
to the English language.
We still use the same alphabet,
and some of the time, the
words look and sound the same.
Their meanings, however, can be
totally different.
To “zoom” means to move
quickly, or when applied to a
camera, to change from a long
shot to a close-up. Now, “Zoom”
is a way to see, hear, and interact
with family, friends, co-workers
and all manner of audiences.
A person is invited to join a
Zoom meeting through their
iPad, mobile phone or computer.
An appointment is set up by
linking to a gazillion letters and
numbers, and “Voila,” you are
there. It’s like a doctor’s visit
or a trip to the beauty parlor.
Though we would never say,
“I’m doctoring,” or “I’m beauty
parloring,” we could correctly
say, “I’ll be Zooming with my
friends at 4:00.”
Not too long ago, the definition
of “streaming” was “to
leave a bright trail or flow of
water.” Examples of this could
be tears streaming down a face
or sunlight streaming through a
window. Today, we can stream all
forms of entertainment or religious
services onto our mobile
devices or TV screens to be
viewed live, as it is happening.
The other option is we could
replay it whenever we choose.
In the 2008 Pocket Oxford
American Dictionary, the word
“app” never appeared. It didn’t
exist. However, in the present
day computer dictionary it
is defined as “a type of software
that allows you to perform
specific tasks on your iPad,
computer, or mobile phone. It’s
an abbreviation for the word
‘application.’” Facebook is the
most popular app, and it owns
several others as well. Instagram,
which shares videos and photos,
was launched in 2010. By 2018
it had one billion monthly active
users. Pretty good for a word that
didn’t even exist in 2008!
The digital world has its own
language. The letters are put
together without hyphens or
separations, so that they appear
to be words, but are they, really?
It follows the belief that if it
looks like a duck, walks like a
duck and quacks like a duck, it
must be a duck. Here are some
examples. You be the judge.
lol---laughing out loud
brb—be right back
btw---by the way
lmk---let me know
g2g---got to go
BFF—Best Friends Forever
Well, what do you think? Are
they words? One thing I know
for sure is that spelling bees will
be a thing of the past.
Even though funny things
are happening to the English
language, the three words that
remain undiluted are “I love
you,” even though they may be
spelled, “I luv u.”
November 2020 ¢ NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER 25