A while back, I went to my
doctor kvetching and moaning
I didn’t feel the same.
I’ve lost that pep in my step and my
shelf life seems to be shorter. I can’t
do the million things I used to; now
I’m down to only a dozen or two—I
think she’s still laughing. Her recommendation:
exercise. Wouldn’t
that make me more tired?! In the
past when I said the word “exercise,”
it was so revolting I’d wash
my mouth out with chocolate. Why
do I need exercise? I walk store to
store in shopping malls, to restaurants,
in supermarkets… isn’t that
enough? Apparently not!
Well, it finally happened. I got
tired of complaining and doing a
plié in front of the bathroom mirror
because I couldn’t get all of me
in. At one point, I even thought
of covering my bathroom walls
with mirrors to get all of myself
into view. On second guess, that
would be more upsetting.
Before starting exercise, I went on
a diet and lost ten pounds.
Unfortunately, with
the weight loss I
gained a ton of
wrinkles. I look like
a Shar Pei now. That
was enough of a trauma
to force me to go out
and get an ice cream sundae
to calm down. But fortunately,
the weather was too cold to leave
my apartment.
Weight loss was a good start, but
what else could I do to improve
myself? My doctor said I had to
build up my “core.” But the only
core I knew of was in the middle of
an apple. What did she mean? Was
she asking me to eat an apple a day
to help keep her away? I looked up
the word “core,” and for those of
you who are as up to date as I am
with body-improvement vernacular,
it described “core” thusly: “The area
of the body, which is commonly
referred to as the ‘core’ is your midsection
and it involves all your muscles
in the area, including the front
back and sides. These muscles work
as stabilizers for the entire body.”
Uh, uh! Am I now to be considered
unstable? Where does one go to stabilize
one’s body, an orthopedist, a
corsetière or a therapist?
Well, I found out it’s through that
word, “exercise.” No!!! It can’t be! I
don’t even like to get up to answer
the phone. Now, I’m going to have
to get up and exercise?
A dear friend said she’s now
building her “core” using a trainer.
I thought Okay, I’ll try that. I’ve
been going for a few weeks
now and have learned a
foreign language I’ve never
spoken or even thought
about: pecs, abs, triceps,
biceps, lats,
deltoids, whatever.
I affectionately
knew some of them
as belly fat, muffin
top waist and
flabby arms.
Guess what? I
now look forward
to the exercise
sessions and the
pep is coming
back into my
step. One day
the trainer said,
“We are going
to do a bridge
today.” How do
you do that? Is she going to take me
to a construction site? What’s wrong
with this gym? We just refurbished it
with new equipment. The only thing
I know about bridges are the ones
I grew up with: The Outer Bridge,
Goethals Bridge, Bayonne Bridge
and Verrazano Narrows
Bridge, the four which
connected Staten Island
to the rest of the world.
However, the bridge I
built through exercise
was actually arching
your back and it
worked fine. It loosened
everything up and I walk a
little loosey-goosey, but I’m
happy.
Next, we worked on my abs
and pecs. Pecs are in your chest.
Do I really need muscles there?
What for? My chest is big enough,
but the exercise did help me stand
up straighter. I was 5' 6" when
I started exercising, now
I’m 6' 3". My abs are
another story. I’m
very attached to
them. My sweet
“little” love
handles. They
help hold my
pants up and
are a place to
rest my arms.
So maybe I’ll
just firm them
up a tiny bit.
I asked
about my triceps,
which
I really don’t
like and have
no attachment
to. I woke up
one day and
they were
there. How
did that
h a p p e n ?
They are the
bat wings I sport
under my upper
arm. Ugh!
Maybe
y o u
know what I’m describing? They’re
like flaps on a plane. When I go forward
they go backwards but I don’t
rev my motor and take off. To rid
yourself of these “objets d’art’ on
display all summer, you must lift
dumbbells from the floor to your
shoulders to a “T” position. To make
it work faster you’d probably have
to do 100 reps an hour. I do see a
change. I now have chafed armpits!
I’m really getting enthused about
re-sculpting my body. At no time
was I ever feeling anything but
buoyant about my progress. So
now I’m thinking I’m on my way
to becoming a senior body builder.
Do you remember Charles Atlas?
Maybe I’ll become Charlene Atlas?
It might take forever because after
all this time I’ve only built myself up
to lifting two-pound weights. Don’t
laugh! I didn’t get into this shape by
being an observer. I used to put on
two pounds after each meal.
All this investment in improving
oneself helps build confidence. In
my case over-confidence. I’m thinking
how about an aerobics class? I
checked one out. The movements
accompanied by my favorite kind
of music all looked so easy. Yup,
looked easy!! After not moving this
body for years it felt as if I was rooted
in cement. Did the instructor say
move left or right? Was I the only
one gasping and wheezing? The
women in the class moved liked
they were capable of being super
heroines. Oh vey! Was I surprised!
It didn’t occur to me these fabulous
ladies were working out for months
and gradually built themselves up to
reach this point. How did I delude
myself into thinking no big deal…
I can do this?! I was just about
to reach for my nitroglycerin pills
when the banging in my chest finally
stopped. I guess it was too much too
soon. Pay attention! Bottom line,
listen to your body. It knows more
about you and has been with you
longer than anyone else.
I’m going to continue with my exercising.
I’m beginning to look a little
different. I now have a 44" chest, a
32" waist, 17" biceps and an 18" neck
and can lift a 14 oz. can of matzo ball
soup in each hand from a squatting
position! Now that’s progress!
E is for Exercise
10 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ April 2018