BY FLORENCE LEVINE
Can a passing chat make us happier?
I learned the answer from the
NY Times column,
“Tips for Smarter Living.”
Thoughts of connecting began on
a cold, dark New Year's Eve. Rich
and I came here to a movie. After it
was over we hung around talking
with some fellow moviegoers. We
felt like we had been welcomed to a
party that we crashed. Pretty good
for unplanned and impromptu, we
thought. We were struck by the
contrast of our quiet street nearby
and North Shore Towers swarming
with neighbors. That night enticed
us to think about living here.
“You'll love it,” “I love it,” and
“Shangri –la,” we heard over and
over. Right around then I stumbled
across the New York Times column,
“Why You Need a Network of
Low-Stakes, Casual Friendships,”
and the payoffs. “Weak ties,” as
they're called--chats in passing
with familiar faces or not--I was
surprised to learn, can make us
happier. Research finds the more
“weak ties” we have, the happier
we feel. Some words and actions
that can help us connect more:
Smile. Make eye contact. Say,
“Hello, how are you.” Exchange
pleasantries the next time you see
a friendly face (they just may be
happy you broke the ice and talked
to them first). You'll feel less lonely
and more connected. If this isn't
exactly you, you can always do what
researcher Dr. Gillian Sandstrom
(senior lecturer of Psychology
at the University of Essex) does:
Copy! Copy someone who does it
with ease. She actually copies her
father who interacted with everyone
he encountered! Observe: What do
they ask, talk about, or not?
A widening network can offer
more recommendations when we
need something. I got my accountant
through a “weak tie” at work.
My mother found her cataract
surgeon through a “weak tie”
neighbor.
*Then there's Cindy. Her mother
had introduced her to the nephew
of a neighbor friend here at NST.
Twenty five years later she's happily
married to him. Raz Juda cada. I
rest my case (in Latin).
*My friend Roberta was walking
her beloved bulldog Minnie
yesterday in Merrick when a new
neighbor befriended her, falling in
love with her (i.e., the dog :-). It
made both their day.
*A dear friend lost a close family
member. She found solace in an
unexpected place, her cleaning
woman. Compassionate when my
friend needed it most, she became
a heartfelt connection and a ray
of sunshine she looks forward to
greeting at her front door each
week.
*My daughter's in-laws owned a
dry cleaning store. Her father-inlaw
loved talking with his customers.
Their conversations brightened
his days, made work fun.
*The week that Loehmann’s was
closing, I was sad. An empty nester,
alone in my house nearby, it was
a nice evening outing - local, and
social. In the fitting room, women
would seek each other’s opinions,
turn to a receptive looking face and
ask, “Do you think this is too big?
(or tight, or long?)” Remember
those days? Loehmann’s was an
era. So now I'm in Lord + Taylor
trying on a top and missing the
connecting at Loehmann’s. I step
out of my fitting room to look for a
salesgirl. At the same time the girl
in the room opposite comes out.
She: “I'm looking for a salesgirl.”
Me: “Me too. What do you want
to know?”
We stood there bonding, lamenting
Loehmann’s closing.
*This story fits into an “act of
kindness” category, though I didn't
see it that way when I did it. I was
feeling pretty good after a checkup
at the ophthalmologist. On the
way out, I helped a woman with a
cane get through a door. She was so
appreciative, which made me even
happier I had helped her. It made
both our day!
“Be the kind of person you'd
like to encounter,” says bestselling
author Gretchen Rubin of “The
Happiness Project” when she set
out to make three new friends. And
I loved this poem in a children's
anthology of poetry:
Some People
By Rachel Field
Isn't it strange some people make
You feel so tired inside
Your thoughts begin to shrivel up
Like leaves all brown and dried!
But when you're with some other
ones,
It's stranger still to find
Your thoughts as thick as fireflies
All shiny in your mind!
Could these tips be ways to be a
shiny firefly friend? Looking forward
to meeting you in the garden
…of friends :-).
“Connect”
September 2019 ¢ NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER 37