Rub-A-Dub-Dub, three women
in a tub and who do you
think they be? Vicki M.,
Carol K. and me. We weren’t exactly
in a tub unless you want to call a big
ocean liner like the Queen Mary,
a tub.
You know when the weather
turns a “little” cold—like 9 degrees
below—it is time to get out of town.
Fortunately, there was a place to
go and like-minded people who
wanted to join me. I have to tell
you right off; we are actually like
the persons in the Rub-A-Dub-Dub
nursery rhyme, because we each
have a job.
Carol is the guide. Thank goodness!
She knows her left from her
right and can figure out the forward
and aft of a ship, and can find anyplace,
anywhere, anytime. Believe
me, that’s a talent. I know. I can’t
do that. The only place I don’t get
lost is at the buffet breakfast.
Vicki who is only a little directionally
impaired, is the bathroom
finder. She can find a bathroom on
an uncharted isle in the middle of
an ocean. Believe me, when you’re
surrounded by water at sea, and
that’s all you see most
of the time, the power
of suggestion is very
strong, therefore
finding a bathroom
is imperative.
And then
there’s me. Let
me see, I don’t do
luggage. I don’t
do table seating…
Oy vey! Left, right,
forward, aft… I have no
sense of direction. I walk
around and around until
I find what I’m looking
for and I’m not good at
finding bathrooms. I’m
kind of like a camel. I’ll
wait. I guess I don’t do
much. I know! Maybe
I’m the entertainment
committee of one.
I find things to do
and talk to strangers at
the table, and some are
very strange. Once there
was a guy who kept taking Carol’s
food. I thought maybe he didn’t
speak the language and didn’t
know how to order, but he said he
came from Dallas. Don’t they speak
English there?
Because the first leg of the cruise
started out in England, a large percentage
of the people traveling with
us spoke with an English accent. I
enjoy listening to people and figuring
out where they’re from. The
French are easy to detect, and they
proudly say they’re from France.
The Spanish and Italian accent is
easy as well. My favorite to guess
is the people from Slavic countries.
That can be a little harder. I can
even recognize the differences
between someone from the Bronx
and Brooklyn. That’s the hardest.
I had the best fun when I came
across a woman sitting with me and
she had a distinct Russian accent.
When I asked her where she was
from, she hesitated and then said
Brighton Beach. I almost fell off
the chair from laughing. I even saw
a whole contingent of Russians
wearing sweatshirts with the word
Brooklyn across their chests. Proud
Brooklynites! I can’t wear a shirt
like that. How does one squeeze
Staten Island across my chest?
Come to think of it if I keep going
on these food fest cruises maybe
one day I could.
You know eating on a cruise can
be detrimental to your health. Do
you think they should put a skull
and cross bones at the entrance to
the dining rooms or maybe a kind
of traffic light set-up? Green lights
stationed by the healthy foods and
red lights by the fatty, fried foods
which could warn you of their
possible danger. There could be
an amber light to warn you there
is a possibility this food eaten in a
large quantity might be unhealthy.
But like a traffic light, sometimes
you speed up to get by before
the light turns red or you stop in
anticipation of it turning red. If I
see a camera watching me, I stop.
No camera, I evaluate whether or
not it’s safe to blow through the
amber light.
Anyway the problem is I might
take too much of the amber
warning foods thinking
it’s okay. For example, is
it okay to have a soup
bowl full of non-fat
yogurt? How many
calories could
it have? It
says non-fat.
Right near
the yogurt
machine there’s usually an ice
cream bowl. In my case, nearby also
was the bowl for soup. Why can’t I
figure out which one to take?
Another problem is that they
don’t use teaspoons on English
ships, only with tea service. So
I naturally gravitate toward the
soupspoon with my non-fat,
creamy, ice-cream–like yogurt. I
probably put the heaping spoonfuls
to my mouth six times. Why
not? I’m the only one who knows
they’re soupspoons. I wonder
how many calories I burn putting
the spoon to my mouth? It might
pay to use a teaspoon. I’d have
to lift that little spoon twice as
much. Oh well. Is anyone with
a math background willing to
figure out that solution for me?
You know the expression “Ship
Shape?” That’s exactly how I
look each time I get off the ship.
Thin at the fore, thin at the aft
and wide in the middle.
To stay well despite my travesties,
before I go to bed each night
I say a prayer to St. Endocrine to
save me. He already tried to warn
me by removing my gall bladder.
Was that a “shot across
the bow?” Forgive my puns,
but I’m having fun!
Let me
wrap this
up with a
thought.
It’s rare
when you find
special friends at
any time in life.
As we mature, it’s
even more of a
challenge because
sometimes we’re
more set in our
ways, but I have to
tell you how blessed
I feel to have all the
friends I have. Each
one is truly special to
me. My travel mates
see the worst and best
in me and I love them more
for it. They haven’t asked me
to “walk the plank” yet, so I
guess everything is good!
RUB-A-DUB-DUB
THREE WOMEN IN A TUB
10 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ March 2018