NST Courier Exclusive:
A One-on-One Interview with Cupid!
BY JILL DAVIS
Just in time for Valentine’s Day,
the North Shore Towers Courier
snagged a rare, exclusive interview
with the one-and-only god of love,
Cupid. He recently cleared his
busy calendar to speak with us
at his estate on Love Canal where
he lives with his wife of more than
1,000 years, Psyche. The conver-sation
has been edited for clarity.
NST: Hi Cupid, it’s great to finally
meet you. You’re a hard god to
get a hold of. To get us started,
can you tell our readers a little bit
Cupid: Sure. I’m really excited
about this. I haven’t done an
interview since I sat down with
Pope Benedict I back in 575
sigh…feels like yesterday.
Anyway, I’m sure you know I
come from a line of immortal
Roman gods. My Dad is Mercury,
the winged messenger, and my
Mom is Venus, the goddess of
love. I inherited their immortality
as well as their genes, which set
me up pretty well to break into
the love biz. I gotta say it’s been a
pretty good gig.
NST: It’s no secret that you’ve
often been characterized in the
press as “mischievous.” Would
you like to comment on that?
Cupid: I’m glad you brought that
up. I can’t tell you how many P.R.
firms I’ve fired over the years for
keeping that phony image of me
out there. Fake news I tell you!
My Mom’s the mischievous one!
True story: Eons ago, Mom used
me to take revenge on a mortal
woman. Now is that any way
for the air quotes goddess of
love to act? Anyway, the mortal
woman was none other than
Psyche. So Psyche and I fell in
love and got married. So then
she became immortal too, which
really psyched Mom out! Psyched
out, get it?
NST: Got it, and please, no more
bad puns. So you and Psyche
have been married a really, really,
really long time. Tell me, what’s
the secret to your longevity, I
mean aside from the fact that
Cupid: Well they say true love’s
supposed to last a lifetime. If
you’re mortal that’s a marriage of
what, maybe 50, 60 years if you’re
lucky? Puh-lease, that’s a blink
of an eye! Try a thousand years! It
takes work, let me tell you, and it
doesn’t help that my mother still
hates my wife.
So what Psyche and I do is keep
each other laughing. Leans in
I’ll let you in on a little secret.
Sometimes I slip into my wings
and fly around the house naked
with my bow and arrow. I look
like a jackass, but it cracks her up
every time so it’s totally worth it.
By the way, you’re the first mortal
I’ve ever told that to, I swear.
NST: Um, okay, let’s move on.
It seems the divorce rate has
increased exponentially over the
past couple of hundred years.
What are your thoughts on that?
Cupid: Well first of all, there are
just so many more human beings
in the world than when I was first
starting out. It was easier when
I had a smaller pool of people to
match up, know what I mean?
And to tell you the truth, my
aim isn’t what it used to be. But
what do you want, I’m over two
thousand years old and a guy’s
eyesight is gonna go a little. So
sometimes I’m gonna miss and
sometimes I’m gonna pierce the
wrong heart, so sue me.
NST: What do you think about
online dating? Has it had a signif-icant
impact on your business?
Cupid: Ugh! I’ve been hear-ing
for over 20 years how
I’d be obsolete with all that
I should pack my quiver and go
home, they said. What they don’t
know is that I was actually one of
the inventors behind the whole
thing. It’s true. Between the
eyesight going and the population
booming, I just had too much
on my plate. I tried training a
couple of assistants and called
my cousin Eros, but it still wasn’t
enough help. When the internet
came along, I was like, “Finally,
I can go digital and keep up with
NST: Can you share with our
readers some of your favorite
Cupid: Well I can’t name names,
my attorney would kill me.
Hypothetically, that is laughs.
Seriously, after I volunteered
to testify in the Angelina Jolie/
Brad Pitt divorce case, I got into
big trouble. You probably read
about it. What I can tell you is
that my favorite matches are the
ones where the people actually
believe they met by accident, like
by some weird twist of fate or
something. I hear them tell their
stories over and over and I just
smile, ‘cause I know better.
NST: So how have things been
these past couple of years with
Covid keeping people apart?
Cupid: I gotta tell you it’s been
tough. I remember I had quite a
lot of matches lined up for the
spring of 2020. But then bam!
Everything shut down and people
were connecting on Zoom and
never meeting in person. I know
I’m good, but even I can’t shoot
an arrow through a laptop. I
saw people connecting with the
wrong people all over the place
and I couldn’t do anything about
it. It was really frustrating. But it’s
gotten better. Once the vaccines
came out, people started to
mingle a little. I even managed
to make some of those matches
I had planned. Love was a little
delayed is all. And spring is
coming again and they say the
numbers are going down, so I
NST: So Cupid, it’s February,
and that means Valentine’s Day
is coming up. How do you feel
about being so closely associated
with the holiday?
Cupid: Meh, it’s okay. I mean it’s
cute when I see the cards with
a picture of me and a big heart
on the front, and it’s cool to be
associated with a saint I guess.
But if you ask me, Psyche’s the
real saint with what she’s had to
put up with.
I just think every day should be
Valentine’s Day. You shouldn’t
have to pay double for flowers
just because it’s February 14th, is
all I’m saying.
NST: Well that about wraps up
our interview. Before we go, do
you have any final thoughts you’d
like to share?
Cupid: Yeah, I do. To all the
single people out there, I’m
gonna use a quote I’ve used a
million times: “It’s better to be
single wishing you were married
than married wishing you were
single.” I don’t know who said it,
but I believe it’s true.
Of course there are a lot of
widows and widowers out there
who might be feeling a little blue.
I remind them, “Tis better to have
loved and lost than never to have
loved at all.” That one was from
Alfred, Lord Tennyson. That Al
was a real nice guy.
And to everyone who has a spe-cial
valentine, you’re welcome.
But listen, it ain’t all sunshine
and daisies. Will Shakespeare
said it best: “The course of true
love never did run smooth.” Will
had such a way with words. Do
you know he used my name a few
times without my permission?
But that’s a whole other story. My
point is, if Psyche and I can hang
in there, you can too. Unless
you’ve got a mother like mine.
Then all bets are off.
NST: Well thank you for all your
time today, Cupid.
Cupid: Cool, this was fun.
Come back anytime. And Happy
Cupid in an undated image/
Image courtesy of Psyche
28 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ February 2022