48 THE QUEENS COURIER • COPING WITH DEATH • AUGUST 31, 2017 FOR BREAKING NEWS VISIT WWW.QNS.COM
coping with death
Can you ever fi nd closure after losing a loved one?
We hear people talking about “closure”
as if there is a door that can be shut aft er
experiencing a tragedy in our lives, losing
a loved one or being witness to a horrific
event such as the terrorist attack on the
World Trade Center.
Friends might ask “Haven’t you reached
closure yet?”
Grief cannot be forced or pushed or
closed off from our minds.
Th ere is no magic formula for working
through grief.
Th e fact of the matter is that grief must
be expressed and dealt with.
We all experience and react to loss in
diff erent ways depending on the relationship
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of the deceased to us, our past experiences
with loss, and sometimes even our
health and emotional state.
Grieving for a lost loved one can take
years, sometimes a lifetime.
According to Curtis Rostad, a Certifi ed
Funeral Service Practitioner who has been
a licensed funeral director since 1973,
there is no such thing as closure.
He maintains that those who refuse to
begin the journey through grief simply
delay their own recovery.
Rostad goes on to explain why he thinks
the concept of closure is mentioned so
oft en in today’s culture. “It should come
as little surprise that a generation of people
brought up with minute rice, instant
coff ee and microwave ovens would search
for quick relief from something we call
grief,” he says.
“We hear it from those who go to the
scene of a disaster where their family
member has died. We hear it from those
who witness the execution of the person
convicted of killing their loved one.
We hear it expressed by those who have
someone missing in war.”
In Rostad’s long experience in helping
families deal with grief, he has found that
seeking closure only produces feelings of
frustration that join the emotions of sorrow.
Th ere is no closure, but there is a point
where people have a great deal of acceptance,
even peace of mind, and are able
to move on to a diff erent frame of mind.
It’s a frame of mind that leaves them
supported by the memories, but empowered
to continue with their lives knowing
they did all they could do with respect to
the person they lost.
Why would anyone seek closure? Why
would anyone want to close the door on
thoughts about a departed loved one?
Grief will soft en in the years aft er a loss,
but the door to memories should always
be open.
From the New York Funeral Directors
Association