PREFUNDING A FUNERAL How to cope after losing a spouse By Rana Huber It is always devastating when one loses a beloved spouse; becoming widowed presents many challenges to the bereaved. Grief is a normal reaction to the death of a spouse or loved one, but most of us are not prepared to deal with our grief. We are often frightened and upset by our reactions to the death and wonder if we will ever recover from this overwhelming emotion. Bereavement counselors caution that grief has no timetable but often takes longer than the bereaved or the people in their lives expect. Many counselors recommend asking for and accepting help from an expert in loss and bereavement issues if any of the following experiences are intense or continue for a long period of time: · • Are you always irritable, annoyed, intolerant or angry? • Do you experience an ongoing sense of numbness or the feeling of being isolated from your own self or from others? • Do you usually feel that you have no one to talk to about what happened? • Since your spouse died, are you often highly anxious about your own death or the death of someone you love? Is it beginning to interfere with your relationships, your ability to concentrate or live as you would like to live? • Do you feel that you are always or continually preoccupied with your loved one, his or her death, or certain aspects of it even though it’s been several months since their death? • Do you feel the need to be continually busy beyond what is normal for you? • Are you afraid of becoming close to new people, or even dating, for fear of losing again? • Do you find yourself acting in ways that might prove harmful to you over time: drinking more than you used to; using more prescription or non-prescription drugs; engaging in sexual activity that is unsafe or unwise; driving in a reckless or unsafe manner or entertaining serious thoughts about suicide? Beyond these signs, trust your own judgment. If you think that talking to a professional might help, there are many resources available to you. You can also ask your family funeral director for the name of a local bereavement counselor who can help you. For a list of funeral homes in your area, visit: www.nysfda.org, a website of the New York State Funeral Directors Association. If you have thoughts of suicide contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800- 273-TALK. In addition, the Hospice Care Network offers bereavement counseling and support sessions in Queens (718-939-CARE). Remember, be patient with yourself. People have a natural inclination to recover. But, if your grief is taking over your life, it is time to seek help. coping with death s By Rana Huber Preplannng your funeral is a simple procedure that doesn’t take much time and allows you to make specific choices such as music, flowers, and type of service for your funeral based on your personal preferences. It also a loving gesture that relieves your loved ones of decision-making at a stressful time. Preplanning also sets aside funeral funding so your family will not have to deal with monetary considerations. New York State consumers who prefund their funerals have their money protected by the strongest laws in the nation which require that such funds be placed in an interest-bearing trust account where the principal and interest remain the property of the consumer. When you have prefunded a funeral in New York State, you should feel positive and comfortable about the following check list: Did you receive a copy of the funeral home’s General Price List? Did you receive a copy of the Itemization Statement and Preneed Agreement you signed with the funeral home? Did you receive a Confirmation Statement of the money you left as a deposit within 30-days? Was this deposit sent to the financial institution within 10 days of the date you signed your agreement? Does the name of the depository (i.e., financial institution) appear on the confirmation? Was your money placed in an interest-bearing account or government backed investment, such as United States Treasury bonds? If you are currently receiving or have applied for Medicaid, did you sign an Irrevocable Agreement? By law, you must sign such an agreement which requires that any money left over after the funeral will be returned to the local Department of Social Services office. When you make additional deposits to your prefund account, you must receive a confirmation statement of each deposit. Look for an Annual Statement at year-end which will show your activity, including interest payments. (You may be responsible for paying income tax on these interest payments depending on your particular situation.) It is important to remember that the money in your prefund account belongs to you. Upon written request, the funeral home must advise you of the account balance, including interest. If your account is revocable, upon written request, you may withdraw the principal and interest at any time without penalty. When preplanning a funeral, it is important to tell family members about the arrangements and where the relevant documents are kept. Copies should be given to a spouse or next-of-kin so that they will be aware of your wishes. It’s not a good idea to keep them in a safe deposit box or attorney’s office because they will not be easily accessible after death. If you need more information about the preplanning process, your neighborhood funeral director will be happy to answer any questions you have. Rana Huber oversees publications for the New York State Funeral Directors Association, Inc (NYSFDA). Rana’s blog, www.SympathyNotes.org, is written for informational purposes to stimulate discussion of death and grieving for both consumers and funeral directors. Founded in 1889, NYSFDA’s mission is to promote the highest standards of funeral service to the public and to enhance the environment in which its members operate. 62 The Queens Courier • coping with death • march 7, 2013 for breaking news visit www.queenscourier.com
QC03072013
To see the actual publication please follow the link above