IF ONLY... REFLECTIONS ON
BY: DR. NURIT ISRAELI
“Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention.”
– Frank Sinatra, My Way
“No, I regret nothing.
No, absolutely nothing.”
– Edith Piaf, Non, je ne regrette rien
Any regrets? Are your regrets too few
to mention? Do you nod in agreement
when you hear Frank Sinatra singing
the memorable words from his famous song
– the lyrics written by Paul Anka? Or, even
more, do you have no regrets whatsoever? Do
you agree with Edith Piaf’s words, as expressed
in her most recognized song, with lyrics by
Michel Vaucaire? Reportedly, when Edith Piaf
first heard the song, she exclaimed: “Formidable.
This is the song I have been waiting
for. It will be my biggest success.” It was. It
was also translated to numerous languages,
sung by famous singers all over the world,
used in many movies, television episodes, and
streaming programs. Apparently, the idea of
regretting absolutely nothing has appeal to
people all over the world...
Regret is sorrow or disappointment over
something one did, or something one failed
to do. It is a backward-looking cognitive and
emotional state that assesses past choices, a
reaction elicited by a perceived discrepancy
in outcome between chosen versus unchosen
actions. Regret is wishing things were otherwise:
wishing one had made a different decision,
because the consequences of the decision made
are perceived as unfavorable. Note that regret
may result from having acted – remorse over
something one did, or from having failed to
act – remorse over something one failed to do.
There is a finding that pervades most studies
of regret: Inaction Regrets are more common,
more severe, and last longer than Action
Regrets. People tend to regret more often having
failed to act – missing a perceived opportunity.
As Writer Wayne Dyer states:
”You’ll seldom experience regret for anything
that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t
done that will torment you.”
Irish poet, David Whyte, expresses the same
idea poetically:
“Regret is a short, evocative and achingly
beautiful word: an elegy to lost possibilities.”
Writer Kevin Hansen dedicated years to
exploring regrets through his project: Secret
Regret, summarized in his book, Secret Regret:
What if you had a second chance? Hansen’s
book is a compilation of hundreds of responses
of people who anonymously entrusted to him
their biggest regrets on his popular website:
SecretRegrets.com
Look back at you own life:
– What, if anything, do you regret most?
– Do you mostly regret actions taken or
opportunities missed?
– What lessons have you extracted from your
regrets? Any insights gained?
– What are you doing differently to reduce
the chances of new regrets?
Regret is an emotionally-charged word!
During many years of working with patients, I
spent countless hours focusing on the mindset
of “If only”: Good people talking regretfully,
and often self-critically, about what they
REGRETS
22 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ August 2021
/SecretRegrets.com
