REACHING FOR THE BRASS RING
We Go Now to a Commercial Break
BY IRENE FRANK
“See the USA in your Chevrolet!”
“Halo everybody, halo. Halo is the
shampoo that glorifies your hair.”
“Oh I’d love to be an Oscar Meyer
wiener…”
“O, we’re the merry men of
Texaco!”
Ah, to hear those musical jingles
of yesteryear, to know that audiences
at home were singing along with the
advertisements, to know that every
15 minutes you’d hear more about
the same product—what nostalgia,
what identification with products.
Today, the number of TV commercials
during a program is overwhelming.
They come one after the other
without pause, advertising things
from online gambling to underwear.
On one program there can be five
different automobile ads. How does
one choose?
It seems that the commercials are
as long as the actual program. The
cost of buying commercial time is
astronomical; a one-minute spot
on TV during the 6pm to 7pm hour
costs around $115,000. This year, a
Super Bowl ad cost $4.5 million for
a 30-second ad.
So I believe there will come a time
when advertisers band together to
share costs to create ONE commercial
covering all their products. It
might sound something like this:
H-E-L-P! I’ve fallen and I can’t
get up! I wish I had Life Alert. With
one touch of a button they would
send help 24/7 and I would get a free
first-aid kit. Maybe it would include
IcyHot. If it helps Serena Williams
win tennis matches, it would surely
help me. If only they would come
and get me up.
On the other hand, maybe my son
will show up in his new Land Rover
Defender, a luxury all-terrain SUV.
He didn’t use CarFax so I know he
overpaid and probably had to go
to Capital One for a loan. I don’t
know if he chose Farmer’s Insurance
because they’ve seen a thing or two
or Liberty Mutual because you pay
only for what you need. What he
should do is get Car Shield and he’d
never again have to pay for expensive
repairs. I wonder how the company
can afford to do that for folks.
H-E-L-P! I’ve fallen and I can’t get
up0. Maybe if I’d taken Prevegen for
my brain I would have remembered
the scatter rug near the desk which I
bought from Raymour & Flannigan.
They price match your furniture
choice. They have your back and
complete your dream home in three
days or less.
On the other hand, maybe someone
passing outside will see me on
the floor through my new Renewal
Windows by Anderson. You don’t
have to pay for one year and afterwards
you pay $175 a day for the rest
of your life. They even have extended
warranties to boot.
Maybe my son is on Nutrisystem
for Men. They say you can get 50%
off with free shakes. He’d be able to
lose 34 pounds in seven days. On
the other hand, it might affect his
immune system. On the other hand,
there’s always Xeljanz for that, but
there are serious allergic reactions
sometimes, like tuberculosis and
death. But hey, 34 pounds in seven
days?
Have you ever noticed that the
images and music have a distinct
pattern in the production of the ad?
The screen shows young, healthy,
beautiful people doing incredibly
wonderful and heart-warming
things—falling in love and giving
jewelry, or cars as gifts, or cute little
animals that speak, or children hugging
their grandparents. But whenever
the disadvantages are explained,
particularly in medical ads, the music
gets louder, the cautionary words get
softer and the images get happier!
H-E-L-P! I’ve fallen and I can’t get
up. If I ever do, I’m going to get a
DNA kit at Ancestry.com and see if
others in my family tree are as clumsy
as I am. On the other hand, maybe I
should just rest on my Sleepnumber
bed which conforms to my body and
spend my time doing E-Trade with
TD Bank.
Now, back to the program…
BY MARIAN NEMETSKY
The thunderous, repetitious
music of the merry-go-round
pounded in my ears, and
drew me to it. I leaped onto my favorite
exotic looking horse, which
I rode up and down, up and down,
as we swirled round and round. In
addition to the feeling of exhilaration,
was the challenge, to grab the
much sought-after brass ring, from
its metal dispenser. That prize gave
the winner a free ride. I never got it.
Now, in the Pandemic, the music
and exotic looking horses are just
a memory. However, I find myself
going up and down, up and down on
a merry-go-round, reaching for that
elusive brass ring…an appointment
for the Covid vaccination.
Since all my doctors are affiliated
with NYU Langone, I was elated
several months ago when I received
an e-mail from them stating, “Good
news! We have the vaccines. DON’T
call your physician. You’ll be notified
through My Chart.”
“Uh-Oh.”
Though I had signed my husband
up for My Chart, I was paranoid that
my information would be stolen, and
didn’t do it for myself. Now, paranoid
or not, I had to do it. This time there
was an additional issue. It had to be
downloaded as an app on my mobile
phone. They texted me a secret number
as if I was applying for a job at
the F.B.I., or the CIA. I had to swear
that I was not a robot. It’s good that I
didn’t have to mark the traffic lights,
because I always fail that exercise.
Finally, magically, an app appeared
on my phone.
“That wasn’t too bad, now I just
have to wait.”
WRONG!
Eventually, we received notification
that people in my age group
could receive the vaccination. I
immediately pressed my app, only
to receive a notice that basically reiterated,
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”
So, I thought I’d try other avenues.
There were websites for locations in
Jamaica, Elmhurst, White Plains, and
Albany, where, if we were lucky, we
could get it. Excitedly, I showed this
to my husband, who replied, “Nah,
they’re too far. Besides, we’re waiting
for NYU, right?”
“Yes, but, who knows when that
will be?”
Then I heard about several other
phone numbers and websites, such
as Affiliated Physicians, NYC, and
Northwell. I filled out the New York
State Covid form for both of us, and
still heard nothing. The New York
State website still showed appointments
in Buffalo.
When I awoke the next morning,
I saw that I had received an e-mail
during the night, which indicated
that my husband could get an
appointment with NYU Langone.
We were giddy with excitement.
“Yes, your husband can get an
appointment. Where would he
like it?”
“Lake Success?”
“All filled up until July.”
“Huntington?”
“All filled up until July.”
“Mineola, the hospital?
“Yes, yes.”
We hit the jackpot, and it could be
for the next day.
“Wonderful, now what
about ME?”
“Hmm, don’t see your name or
date of birth.”
“We have to go together, uh, he
can’t hear without me.”
“Sorry, your name isn’t here.”
“Is it by alphabetical order, size
places, or what?”
“I suggest that you get it elsewhere.”
“OMG. It’s not fair. I did all the
work, and HE got the appointment.”
I took a deep breath, and counted
to ten. It was the day of the
Inauguration, so I went to watch it.
Like Scarlett O’Hara, I decided I’d
worry about it tomorrow. Afterwards,
filled with hope, I decided to try one
more time. I tapped my app again,
and miracle of miracles, a box came
up that said I was eligible for the
appointment. I was even able to get
it at the same time and place as my
husband!
So, this time, after going up and
down, up and down on a merry-goround,
reaching for that elusive brass
ring, I finally got it…the appointment
for the Covid vaccine.
28 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ March 2021
/Ancestry.com
