Wait, How Old Did You Say You Are?
Reflections on Aging
BY: DR. NURIT ISRAELI
“Today is the oldest you’ve ever
been, and the youngest you’ll be
again.”
I– Eleanor Roosevelt f you didn’t know your age, how
old would you think you are?
How old do you feel? If you
could choose to be any age, what
would it be? What do you consider
a perfect age? When would you say
we stop being “young”? When do
we become “older adults”?
There are so many clichés on the
topic of age:
• Is age really “just a number”?
• Is age “a state of mind”?
• Is age “a matter of feeling, not
of years”?
• Are we “as young (or as old)
as we feel”?
• Is eighty “the new fifty”?
• Are we “never too old to feel
young”?
There are different ways to classify
a person’s age, and the answers
depend on which age category we
choose to focus upon.
The category we are most familiar
with is Chronological Age or
Calendar Age, which specifies the
number of years that have elapsed
since the day we were born – the
number of times we have orbited
the sun along with Earth. This is
the number we jot down on formal
forms requiring us to specify our
age, and the number of candles that
were (or were supposed to be) on
our last birthday cake – unalterably
dependent on our birthdate.
A separate category is Biological
Age or Physiological Age, which
defines our body age – determined
by our physical health and physical
functioning. Biological Age is
partially influenced by genetics,
but also by other factors such
as diet, exercise, stress management,
etc. We have some control
over our Biological Age, which
can be lower or higher than our
Chronological Age.
Psychological Age is a different
category, the one I wish to focus
upon. It is also termed Subjective
Age or Felt Age. This age category
defines how old or young we feel
and act. Our Psychological Age may
exceed our Chronological Age, or
be lower – at times significantly
lower – than the number of candles
on our last birthday cake.
Studies of age perception show
that children and young adolescents
tend to perceive themselves
as older than their Chronological
Age and aspire to be older (craving
more autonomy). On the other
hand, older adults often don’t feel
as old as the years indicated by their
Calendar Age. Developmental psychologist
Bernice Neugarten, who
advocated a more nuanced and
flexible view of aging, distinguishes
between “young-old-age” and
“old-old-age.” Similarly, anthropologist
Mary Catherine Bateson
suggests that we call later life
cycle phases – which begin when
the major tasks of adulthood have
been completed and which often
coincide with retirement and an
empty nest – “adulthood II.” For a
70th birthday of a young-at-heart
friend who often wonders about
the growing discrepancy between
her Chronological Age and her Felt
Age (which reportedly remains at
18), I gave her a T-shirt that states:
“I am not 70, I am 18 with 52 years
of experience.” Her base number
may remain 18, only the number
of years of experience will keep on
growing…
Senator John Glen, the oldest person
to board a U.S. Space Shuttle
at age 77, exemplifies the view that
we don’t have to let Chronological
Age define us. According to him:
“Too many people, when they get
old, think that they have to live by
the calendar.” If we let ourselves be
hemmed in by our Calendar Age,
we may miss potentially valuable
opportunities...
Lars Tornstam, a Swedish gerontologist,
developed a theory of
human aging which he termed
“gerotranscendence.” The core of
his theory, which has been tested
by numerous scientists in various
contexts, suggests that effective
aging is marked by positive changes
and growth. Gerotranscendence
connotes a redefinition of self and
of relationships, as well as a new
understanding of fundamental existential
questions. Specifically, there
is a decreased interest in material
things and in superfluous social
interactions. Individuals reaching
gerotranscendence become more
altruistic and experience a growing
affinity with past and future generations,
increased concern for others,
increased cosmic awareness,
increased selectivity in the choice of
activities, increased desire to understand
oneself, and increased desire
for inner peace. This perspective
shift – from a more materialistic
and rational view of life to a more
transcendental one – often results
in increased life satisfaction.
True, older age may be associated
with more difficulty related to
some aspects of memory, so to keep
younger requires that we find ways
to compensate for these memory
problems. On the other hand, the
ability to cope with negative emotions
frequently improves with age.
Older adults can use life experience
and age-acquired wisdom to navigate
their lives in ways they were
not familiar with when younger. As
the poet Robert Frost stated: “The
afternoon knows what the morning
never suspected.” Oscar Wilde
similarly concluded that: “Wisdom
comes with winters.”
Another advantage of later
life cycle phases is what Positive
Psychology terms “time affluence.”
Earlier in life, we are often time-deprived,
even time-starved – busy
raising children, working, taking
care of aging parents, and meeting
other time-consuming responsibilities.
As we mature, we become
more time affluent. Time affluence
allows us to slow down, relax,
reflect, and pursue activities that
are personally meaningful.
And who says that, as we get
chronologically older, we cannot
keep our youthful selves alive?
The prince in Antoine de Saint-
Exupery’s novella, The Little
Prince, complained that: “All
grown-ups were once children…
but only few of them remember
it.” Maintaining a sense of wonder
can help preserve a youthful
spirit. As W.B. Yates reminded us:
“The world is full of magic things,
patiently waiting for our senses
to grow sharper.” Or, as the wise
philosopher Martin Buber poignantly
pointed out: “To be old
is a glorious thing when one has
not unlearned what it means to
begin.”
And just because we are
advanced in years doesn’t mean we
can’t do it in style! When I asked an
exceptionally wise and insightful,
chronologically-mature-but-oh-soyoung
in-spirit friend here at North
Shore Towers how she manages
February 2020 ¢ NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER 29