62 LONGISLANDPRESS.COM • OCTOBER 2021
FULFILLING FRIENDSHIPS
TEACHING KIDS BOUNDARIES
BY CHRISTINA FURNIVAL
There are times when our children
come home from school deflated
because another kid left them feeling
down. If this is occurring with some
frequency, we may need to help our
children set boundaries to develop
fulfi lling friendships.
A healthy relationship boundary is a
fi rm, but fl exible, spoken expectation
you set with another person to clearly
define what you find acceptable (or
not) in their actions towards you or
others. Boundaries provide clarity by
erasing ambiguity, allowing you and
the relationship to be authentic. By
setting healthy boundaries, you construct
the framework for a mutually
enjoyable friendship, off ering freedom
to demonstrate love and respect for one
another.
Here are three tools for teaching children
FOSTER YOUR CHILD’S
SOCIAL-EMOTIONAL
ABILITIES
Setting a boundary begins with your
child’s awareness of their feelings, and
the ability to describe their feelings and
express what they need. To do this you
can play games that explore feelings.
My favorites are Bright Spots Therapeutic
Fun games.
Try validating your child’s experiences.
For example, at a family party, you
notice that your child doesn’t want to
hug a specifi c auntie. You could refl ect
with them, “When your aunt asked for
a hug, I saw that you turned your body
away from her and you looked downwards.
It looked like you felt unsure
or uncomfortable. I want you to know
that I am proud of you for listening to
your feelings. You do not have to hug
anyone that you do not want to. In the
future, you could use your words to
say ‘No, thank you’ to be even more
clear.”
GET SPECIFIC ABOUT
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Explain to your child what a good friend
says, how they act, what they do, and
how your child will likely feel when
they are with such a friend.
For example, “A good friend says things
like, ‘Let’s play’ or ‘I like you’ and they share,
take turns, and use their words to solve
problems. When you spend time with
a nice friend, you feel happy and loved.”
It’s important that our kiddos know that
words and actions should be aligned.
MODEL BOUNDARYSETTING
Our kids are always watching how
we act and handle challenges, and by
modeling boundaries, our children will
more deeply understand their power.
Setting healthy boundaries can feel
challenging to do, especially at fi rst
and if you aren’t used to speaking up
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to set boundaries.
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What are you waiting for?
for yourself. The same will be true
for your children, but they have you
to cheer them on and to support their
growth.
Christina Furnival a licensed psychotherapist
and author of the The Not-So-
Friendly Friend: How to Set Boundaries
for Healthy Friendships.
This story fi rst appeared in New York
Family.
PARENTING TIPS
Teach your children about building
healthy friendships. (Getty Images)
/LONGISLANDPRESS.COM
