C R Y D E R P O I N T 8 DECEMBER Dasher, Dancer & Vixen, CPAs Certified Prancing Accountants 123 Reindeer Way, Suite 3A, North Pole, NP 00001 December 1, 2016 Cryder Point Owners Corp. 162-21 Powells Cove Blvd. Beechhurst, NY 11357 Dear Management & Board: Per our recent conversations, we have reviewed your projected 2016 year-end budget. As you know, we are fast approaching the Twelve Days of Christmas, and we have identified some areas where significant cutbacks are needed immediately. Following are our line-item recommendations for balancing your year-end budget. Boy, do you need help. A Partridge in a Pear Tree In reviewing your staff salaries, we noticed that there has been a sizeable increase in overtime recently. Management has explained that the care and feeding of the partridge in the pear tree located in front of the 41 Building has been causing many extra hours of work for your employees. We do not know, nor do we care, how or why you obtained the partridge; we can only surmise that this was merely the first in a series of fiscal missteps executed by any one of you boneheads. In any case, the partridge has to go. We have contacted the Queens Zoo and are pleased to inform you that they have agreed to take the partridge under their wing, but you’re stuck with the pear tree. Two Turtle Doves We agree that the two turtle doves you keep in the 21 lobby are adorable, but really, you’ve got to be kidding. Invoices show that the doves require a special diet and costly visits to the veterinarian due to their delicate constitutions. 8 cryder point courier | DECEMBER 2016 | WWW.QNS.COM The kind folks at the Queens Zoo have agreed to adopt them also and have assured us that the two lovebirds will stay together as long as they both shall live. Three French Hens Do you people ever check your invoices? We noticed that your gardening expenses have experienced a sharp uptick over the past few months, and your staff has explained that the three French hens in the 01/21 courtyard have been laying a lot of eggs recently. What on earth you are doing with three French hens is beyond us, but their presence has been causing extra work for your gardener in maintaining the grounds, and he has imposed a surcharge on top of his regular fee. To mitigate this expense, we recommend that the hens be relocated to a farm in Quebec where they can roam about freely and cluck in their native language. Given our longstanding relationship with a certain jolly old soul, we are happy to arrange pick-up and drop-off on December 24 at no charge. Four Calling Birds We initially agreed with the incremental expense of hiring a part-time calling bird to help answer the phones in the Management Office. However, the Avian Workers’ Union Local 101 requires that you employ no fewer than four birds, and all must be on a fulltime basis. We are sure you will agree that this is excessive and unnecessary. We are now negotiating with the AWU on your behalf to determine next steps and help find them other jobs. Please note that the birds are available on call, so if you are aware of anyone with immediate telemarketing needs, please let us know. Five Golden Rings Although gold prices have been slipping, we had advised you to sell the five golden rings in order to raise extra cash for the co-op. Unfortunately the jeweler’s evaluation revealed that the rings are only gold-plated and worth approximately $9.82 each. The good news is that we have crunched the numbers and determined that the $49.10 in revenue will cover the cost of cream cheese at one of your poolside bagel brunches next summer. The bad news is that our fee for having the rings appraised is $1,500. This charge will appear on our next invoice.
CP122016
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