13 C R Y D E R P O I N T FEBRUARY WWW.QNS.COM | FEBRUARY 2017 | CRYDER POINT COURIER 13 Oh Gabby, he is so wonderful! He listens to every word I say and we never, ever argue. He always responds to whatever I say with a gentle, “Yes, dear.” Oh I just know we’re going to have a wonderful life together!Happily ever after, Mary Dear Mary, Oh you poor, deluded girl. Let me know how you’re doing infive years. ____________________ Dear Gabby, You probably don’t remember me, but I’m Mary. I wrote to you when I first got married and you asked me to write to you again in five years. Well, we just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary this past Valentine’s Day. We have beautiful three-year old twins, an 18- month old, and we just found out another baby is on the way! For our anniversary my husband gave mea lifetime supply of birth control pills. What a sense of humor! I just giggled and said, “Honey, are you trying to tell me something?” He said, “Yes, dear.” Isn’t he funny? Mary Dear Mary, Of course I remember you. I see that you have blossomed from a poor, deluded girl into a pitiful, dimwitted woman. Do keep me updated. ____________________ Dear Gabby, Hi, it’s Mary again. John and I just had our 15th wedding anniversary. I knowit’s been a long time since I’ve written, but we’ve been pretty busy. Remember those birth control pills I told you about? Long story short, after our sixth child John decided to get a vasectomy. Through the years I have managed to adjust to his snoring, which is like listening to a non-stop Acela ripping through the East River tunnel. I even learned to ignore that he is apparently incapable of taking a dirty plate, lifting it out of the sink, and placing it into the dishwasher. And this man does not know how to pick a sock up off the floor. There are other things which I won’t bore you with, but I try to stay cheerful through all of it. I know it’s very hectic around here, so I figured that John and I needed more time for each other.So a couple of years back I tried to start a “date night” with him. I read in Women’s Day that you should do things like that to keep your husband interested. But Gabby, he never wants to go. He says he’s tired and it seems like he just wants to sit and watch the football game. When I ask him if everything’s alright, he just says “Yes, dear”like he always does. What do you say? Dear Mary, I say I hope he doesn’t also like baseball. ____________________ Dear Gabby, It’s been 10 years since I’ve written you. John and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary. Since this was a special anniversary,I got him box-seat season tickets to next year’s Jets games. He was so excited hejumped up and shouted, “Mary, seriously! This is too much!” Meanwhile, he got me a vacuum cleaner. A vacuum cleaner! He even put a bow on it, can you believe it? Gabby, I never get mad, but is he crazy? I even asked him, “Are you crazy?” and he said, like he always does, “Yes, dear.” Ugh, he drives me insane with that answer!So I started crying andyelled, “What am I, just a cleaning lady to you?” and I ran out of the room. But besides that, it’s all the other things. You’d think after 25 years he’d have learned to put the seat down by now. And zero help with the children, by the way. Six kids and he changed maybe five diapers the whole time. And his mother! Have I ever mentioned his mother to you? She makes the Wicked Witch look like Mother Teresa, but to him, she is Mother Teresa! Thanks for letting me vent, Mary Dear Mary, I thinkyou’re venting to the wrong person. ____________________ Dear Gabby, I need your advice. My wife Mary and I just had our 25th wedding anniversary on Valentine’s Day. I thought we agreed a long time ago not to go overboard when it comes to gifts and that they should be practical, especially since we have six kids. But she got me season Jets tickets, box-seats no less. That was way too extravagant, and I told her so as delicately as I could. I stood up and said calmly, “Mary, seriously, this is too much.” That’s pretty plain, right? Meanwhile she had been complaining about the old Hoover vacuum for years, so I got her a brand new Dyson with all the bells and whistles. I even put a bow on it. But she got really upset and asked me if I was crazy! I didn’t want to start an argument, I hate arguments, so I just said, “Yes, dear,” and then she mumbled something about hiring a cleaning lady and stormed out of the room. She knows darn well we can’t afford a cleaning lady. She’s hardly talked to me for three days and I don’t know what I did wrong. Gabby, I feel like she doesn’t think about all the hard work I do. I put in 10, 12 hour days at work. Mary was never the career type and that was okay with me, and with so many children it didn’t make sense for her to work anyway. So I have to work more hours, that’s fine, and I know she gets mad when I forget to do little things around the house and don’t want to go out all the time, but give me a break! Can’t I just put my feet up and watch the football game? I talked to my mother about it. I know she’s never liked Mary very much, and she constantly reminds me of how freaked out I was on my wedding day. She says my nerves should have been a sign. I don’t think Mary likes my mother either, but really, my motheris a saint. She said Mary is unappreciative of everything I doand never understood me, and after all these years I’m beginning to think she’s right. I know Mary would never, ever write to you, and to tell you the truth I never thought I would either, but I’m at my wit’s end. Please help. John Dear John, meet Mary. Mary, meet John. That’s all the advice I can give you since this is my last column.My husband and I are packing up and heading to Florida. Good luck to you both. ******************************
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