12 Dealing with the loneliness BY MARIA GEORGOPOULOS, MA The loneliness that may be felt when a loved one dies can be difficult to handle. Each relationship has a different impact on our lives and the space that person filled is a unique one. We may have a lifetime of love and memories invested with that person or brief moments shared that will always hold a special meaning. Our parents affect our lives in many ways. They serve as our home base, emotionally or physically. We may have spent years being a caregiver to them, may have lived with them for all or most of our lives or worked hard to gain our independence as soon as we could. Whatever our situation, the death of a parent can leave behind a profound loneliness. No one else can fill the role of a parent in the ways that our parents have, no matter how many mistakes they have made or how conflicted our relationship may have been. Caregivers can often feel confused about how to spend their time after their parent’s death, having devoted most or all of their free time to their parent’s care. Adult children may have also given up activities they enjoyed and neglected to keep up with friendships due to their hectic schedule. Then, when parents die, they are left with the task of rediscovering themselves–forming new relationships and finding joy in activities they had put aside for some time. Our spouses or partners are our companions; those we have chosen to walk the journey of life. The death of a spouse or partner can really bring on a devastating loneliness. The absence of your spouse or partner can be sorely missed, particularly at night when spouses are acutely aware of the empty space at home. Parents who have lost children can feel a big void in their lives. Whether they were adult children who lived near or far or young children who were growing up at home, the loneliness that accompanies the death of a child can be so draining. The house can hold such dear reminders of children; lifetimes of memories can, at times, be painful to recall. Each relationship is dear to us in a different way. The death of siblings, grandparents, friends and other loved ones have their impact on our lives. When grief is fresh, loneliness may seem to be too much to bear or it may feel like things will never change at first. There is hope of leading fulfilling, happy lives, but this will take time. Eventually, exploring ways to take care of ourselves and develop a healthy support network do help. You might try calling a friend to catch a movie or talk about your feelings with. You may explore activities you may have forgotten you enjoyed. You can ask for some company and visit a beloved place where you used to spend time with your loved one who died. Support groups are also an effective way to alleviate some loneliness. Talking with others about your shared grief somehow lightens it, even if for a little while. – Courtesy of Calvary Hospital coping with death s The Queens Courier • coping with death • september 3, 2015 for breaking news visit www.queenscourier.com What to do when a death occurs Not knowing what steps to take after the death of at a stressful time. include: a loved one is quite common. Relying on the advice Be sure to check to see if the deceased had any Contacting clergy and arranging an appropriate of a specially trained, licensed funeral director is death benefits that would help cover funeral costs. time and place for the services extremely helpful at this difficult time. Be aware that signing a contract for funeral services writing and distributing obituaries. Most families will call on the same funeral director will make you liable for the cost of the funeral but the Contacting the cemetery/crematory, staff, florists, they have turned to in the past to help them arrange decedent’s estate or available death benefits will usually fraternal organizations, memorial gift organizations. the funeral. If there is no family funeral director, it is cover final costs. It is important to always check Working cooperatively with organ donation teams. a good idea to secure recommendations from friends with your family attorney. Preparing all legal documents (death certificates, or neighbors or access the New York State Funeral By law, funeral directors must offer accurate price burial transit/cremation permits, medical examiner Directors Association’s (NYSFDA) web site “www. information to people making inquiries over the telephone certificates, reports of death, social security and nysfda.org” for names and addresses of member funeral regarding funeral costs. If you visit the funeral all Veterans Administration benefits, and in some homes located in the decedent’s neighborhood. home, the funeral director will give you a written, instances filing insurance paperwork). The first step is to call the funeral home for a conference itemized price list with all the specific goods and services Providing an emotionally and spiritually comforting to begin the process. If a death occurs in another city, state the funeral home offer. environment for visitation and life celebration or country away from home it is best to call your hometown It is good to remember that it is entirely up to the services transporting of family and friends in a funeral funeral director to make the necessary arrangements. family to make the selections that will best meet procession to the place of final disposition. Before making any arrangements, determine if their expectations for a personalized ritual that will The funeral director provides quiet support to the the deceased left any instructions about his or her meet their emotional and economic needs. After the family during a time of great emotional stress, and funeral, or had already purchased or prepaid funeral arrangements have been agreed upon, the funeral attends to all aspects of the funeral service in a professional or cemetery arrangements. director will provide a written statement showing the and caring way. Always remember that any Funeral arrangements made prior to death should total cost of each item selected. questions you may have may be directed to your local be honored. Preplanning one’s funeral is a growing In addition to removing the deceased from the place funeral director. trend that ensures peace of mind and relieves the of death and caring for the body, the funeral director Reprinted with permission of the New York State individual’s loved ones of a decision-making process will arrange all details of the funeral service, which may Funeral Directors Association.
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