8 The Queens Courier • coping with death • september 3, 2015 for breaking news visit www.queenscourier.com coping with death s Helping children to deal with grief By Rana Huber We sympathize when we see someone experiencing grief caused by the death of a loved one, but there is something especially poignant about a child who grieves over the loss of a parent, grandparent, sibling, or even a beloved pet. When children experience the death of a loved one, they grieve just as adults do, but they may not be able to verbalize their sorrow. To compound this, many adults may not feel comfortable dealing with children’s sadness, especially when grieving themselves. They don’t know how to start the conversation, they don’t know what to say, and, especially, they are fearful of saying the wrong things. So what can you do? There are many wonderful books that can help. For example, in Helping Children Grieve, Theresa Huntley includes some basic suggestions excerpted here that will help adults who want to console a grieving child: Be aware of personal feelings. When we are in touch with our own feelings (sadness, loss, regret), we will be better able to help bereaved children deal with theirs. Recognize that each child’s level of understanding is different. Provide the children with information and responses appropriate for their age level. Recognize that each child will grieve differently. Encourage questions. Encourage the expression of feelings. Let children know that it is okay to show their emotions. Encourage participation in events following the death. Tell the children about the events that will be taking place (i.e., wake, funeral, burial). Give the children permission to choose the extent of their participation. Help a child to commemorate the life of the deceased. Try to maintain a sense of normalcy. To restore some semblance of security, try to follow the children’s normal routine as closely as possible. Also, the popular television show Sesame Street has many wonderful resources to help connect with a child who is mourning. Visit their website for details: www.sesamestreet.org/ parents/topicsandactivities/topics/grief. Children generally grieve in different ways than adults. As family and caregivers, we can recognize this and guide them with love through a difficult time. Ask your family funeral director for names of local bereavement counselors who Surviving the de ath of an infant The death of a beloved, expected baby has a special infant death such as: sorrow. The family so joyously awaits the birth, and • Information, support and guidance for parents and then without any warning the young life ends. family members affected by a sudden and unexpected According to the New York State Center for infant death including referral to bereavement support Sudden Infant Death, the death of a baby can be a groups, home visits, contacts with other parents who devastating experience for the family. When a baby have experienced this loss and other services. dies, the future is affected, lives are forever changed • Education and consultation offered to public and dreams are shattered. The pain is compounded health nurses, law enforcement officers, emergency by endless self-searching questions and feelings of medical personnel, funeral directors and other helplessness, anger and guilt. professionals. Topics include Sudden Infant Death Since 1997, the New York State Center for Sudden Syndrome (SIDS), infant mortality and interventions Infant Death has offered statewide programs to help that can comfort bereaved families. families cope with such an awful loss, and to educate • Professional and community-based education the community about steps that can minimize sudden about reducing the risk for SIDS and other causes of infant mortality. Because funeral directors are often the first providers of support to parents who have lost an infant, they are in a unique position to refer families to the New York State Center for Sudden Infant Death. To learn more about the Center and its programs and services, please call 1-800-336-7437. The First Candle/SIDS Alliance Website at www.firstcandle. org is also an excellent resource whether you are seeking information on ways to help your baby survive and thrive, or have experienced the death of a precious infant. Reprinted with the permission of the New York State Funeral Directors Association.
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