Reflections on Memories
BY DR. NURIT ISRAELI
Photo courtesy
of Dr. Nurit Israeli
Deep in December it’s nice to
remember
Although you know the snow
will follow.
—Tom Jones
2018 is coming to an end and a
brand new year is making its way.
As the calendar year draws to a
close, it is tempting to look back.
Our memory is a remarkable
mental capacity. It enables us
to perceive information, encode
it, store it within the brain and
retrieve it when needed. It is selective.
It does not resemble a video
camera which captures perfectly
and objectively a detailed record
of everything which happens. We
tend to remember most vividly emotionally
charged events rather than
mundane experiences. We may not
remember where we left our keys,
but we distinctly remember peak
experiences as well as traumatic
events, regardless of how much
time has elapsed.
Our memory tends to store
moments rather than whole days,
images rather than whole sequences,
feelings rather than detailed
interactions. It holds on to pictures,
sounds, smells, tastes, sensations
and emotions. It does not capture
every pragmatic detail. Research on
trauma and memory demonstrates
that the inability of trauma victims
to recall specific details is typical
and does not in any way undermine
the credibility of their reports.
Norepinephrine, a neurotransmitter
released in response to stress,
prompts the brain to retain certain
aspects of a traumatic event and
tune out others.
Yet what we do remember matters.
Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel-
Prize–winning psychologist, coined
the term “the remembering self.”
He differentiates between the
“experiencing self,” which lives
the present moment and the
“remembering self,” which holds
on to the stories of our life. Our
“remembering self” labels some
experiences as worth repeating and
others as worth avoiding. It often
dictates our actions, prompting us
to search for memorable moments.
Using Tom Jones’s lyrics: “Try to
remember and if you remember
then follow…”
I believe memories are our best
assets. Memories don’t depreciate,
can’t be taken away and can be
retrieved on demand. For example,
traveling has been one of
my best investments. Beyond the
pleasure experienced during a trip,
the memories created may last a
lifetime. In my daily meditation,
I retrieve images of my favorite
places from around the world and
relive the beauty over and over.
At times, in Intergenerational
Family Therapy sessions, I used to
invite participants to bring the family
photos which moved them most.
The selected photos illuminated
memories of
love and loss,
beginnings and endings, celebrations
and traditions. All too often,
events which seem inconsequential
at the time they happen gain significance
later on and are transformed
into powerful memories.
I remember an encounter with an
elderly man, a holocaust survivor.
The first time we met, he pulled
a yellowing photo of a smiling
young woman out of his wallet
and handed it to me. “I survived
and was blessed with a good life,”
he told me, “but this girl… I spent
the best days of my life with her,
though I didn’t know it at the time.
I can still see her warm smile, the
way she took delight in things, the
way she loved… For over 50 years
I carry her photo with me… The
young man I once was, giddy with
love, still lives in me…” This man’s
memories document the longevity
of a dream: the dream of what
could have been, if only. But his
memories also reflect a pleasure
fueled by an attachment to a woman
who stayed unchanged in his
imagination.
So, memories may be bittersweet.
Memories of good old days may be
enchanting. But remembering may
also be tainted by the knowledge
of what happened later. Memories
of all which was lost may hurt,
and in retrospect, memories may
be entwined with regret over
missed opportunities. Reconciling
ourselves to this mixed nature of
memories enables us to more fully
savor the sweetness…
Personally, as the years go by,
I increasingly enjoy retrieving
memories from my loaded memory
archive to revisit life stories. And
when memories come to life, the
intervening years take a back seat.
Like right now, as I am writing this,
memories come up in full color.
In the background, I hear Barbra
Streisand sing in her melodic voice:
Memories light the corners of
my mind…
Misty water-colored memories
of the way we were…
And I too wonder…
If we had a chance to do it
all again
Tell me, would we? Could we?
Memories light the corners of my mind.
6 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ December 2018