Once I make this confession
to you, I’ll feel much better
about myself. I’ve been
troubled by this problem ever
since I can remember. I am an addict…
specifically, a potato chip
addict (and anything potato). For
those of you who are like me, you
will understand, and those who
aren’t, you’re probably addicted to
something else, like maybe chocolate.
Come to think of it, that’s
probably one I could do also. Is
there a cure for all this? Is it a
psychological problem? Where
do you find a shrink who has a
“chip” specialty? Could “couch”
and “potato” have evolved into
“couch potato” from this?
Potatoes were always part of my
life. As a child, I remember eating
them every which way, most times
associated with a special meal;
boiled with borscht, baked sweet
potato with Thanksgiving, fries
with hamburgers, mashed with
fried onions or “grebenes” mixed
into them when eating steak or
chops. That was the norm. Never
mind the heartburn. To my body I
now ask, please forgive me.
If I needed a fix at other times,
I could always buy a bag of Blue
Bonnet potato chips for a nickel
and eat them while doing
homework or as an
afternoon school
snack. I just loved
my potatoes in any
shape, size or form and
just plain and simple. Today they
come with different flavorings like
BBQ, garlic and onion, etc.
When I was a kid, in the days
of yore, I didn’t know there were
thousands of varieties of potatoes.
I just knew of white or sweet.
To me, they seemed to be everywhere.
Do you remember the sweet
potatoes sold on street corners in
Manhattan? They were baked in
old oil drums and the man would
wrap them in a newspaper and you
could keep warm on a cold winter
day while you ate this delectable
veggie (What’s all the fuss today
about toxic ink in newspapers?).
On second thought, maybe that
triggered what’s wrong with me
after all these years? Couldn’t
be all the bad food and lack
of exercise? Nah!
Do you know that
the use of chips started
a whole new craze which
spread to other foods?
There’s a chip of every kind
today: banana, broccoli,
c a r r o t ,
veggie,
mushroom, carrot,
green beans
and even squash. I
guess I’m one of millions of
people, who not only liked the
taste, but also the crunch associated
with it. I’ve discovered there are
seven billion purchases of potato
chips each year, which equals two
to four billion pounds of potatoes
being used. On Super Bowl Sunday
alone there’s twelve million pounds
of chips purchased.
Did you know there’s a potato
chip of the month club? For $63,
you can
order three
months of
chips, or
for $249, you
can order twelve
months of different
varieties of chips? It might work
for me. I think I could make a statement
for healthy eating of chips in a
meal. Start with beef chips, joined
by carrot chips and broccoli chips
as the sides, with a salad of kale and
blue-cheese-and-sour-cream chips
as a starter, and end with chocolate
covered chips for dessert.
To go international, there’s
Japanese and wasabi-flavored
chips. Spicy Mexican-flavored
jalapeno might work. I understand
in Germany, there are beer-flavored
chips. In Korea, there are
Kimchee-flavored chips, and my
favorite, Mozarella-flavored chips
for a night of Italian delight. Yum!
Chicken-fat¬–flavored chips
anyone? My cardiologist wouldn’t
like to hear this, because it might
kill me. But at least I’d go with a
smile on my face. Who says you
can’t be creative?
I’m sure there are many more of
us who love potatoes or chips in
some form. Do you remember the
toy, Mr. Potato Head? Some other
potato addict must
have invented
it. I’ll bet
it’s still
around.
Honestly,
I resent the
potato having
aspersions cast
at it. Look at
the trend it
started? There’s
just no respect for a
lot of things, even a
lowly potato. Who
are you calling a
“couch potato?”
That doesn’t
sound too nice!
What’s with the
potato name-calling?
For those of you who share my
sentiments, let’s get out and stump
for our potato friend. Our motto
can be “A chip in every mouth.”
While writing this story, I must
admit I’m starting to salivate at the
thought of having my potato fix. I
could have had it with my eggs this
morning or my burger for lunch.
I’m sure I’ll come up with some
exotic reason to have it with my
dinner. After all these years, I still
can’t live without them.
I commemorate this treatise to all
my comrade potato lovers—Cheers!
“This spud’s for you!”
CONFESSIONS
OF AN ADDICT
20 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ December 2017