HOLD ON…
DON’T LET GO……….
If you are reading this story, I am honored
that you have taken time out to be patient
with me and my ramblings. Like you, I am
drowning in this pandemic nightmare. I am de-liberately
in a self-imposed quarantine because
social isolation still isn’t a safe enough choice. I
need to be kept busy, so my writing has become
an antidote to becoming a candidate
for cuckoo-ness.
I truly don’t have a problem with
being alone; however, alone and
being lonely are not the same. I make
a concerted effort to try to maintain
a schedule for myself so that the day
can sail by in a user-friendly way
without losing my focus and sanity. I
have tried to set up a daily schedule. I
use the word “daily” very loosely, and
let’s say it is extremely flexible. Why
is it flexible? I need to at least have a
sense that I have planned something
to force me to get out of bed before
dinnertime. Good thing I have rules
for everyone, that eating only takes
place in the kitchen or dining room
and it applies to me as well, or else I‘d
feel free to bring a mini-fridge and hot
plate into my bedroom.
The other thing about my flexibility
is that I need to know if something
better than my planned activity for the
day comes up - like a three-hour con-versation
about the “perils” of being
forced to use a different brand of toilet paper
ensues, then I’m game. Look, a conversation
is a conversation! These days I’m not fussy!
For example, three weeks ago, my sweet friend
“Chickie” brought me thirty-six rolls of toilet
paper from Costco. That particular brand, which
was not my usual, was all they had available.
Before I even used it, she called to apologize.
I’m not swearing it’s the worst – but newspaper
would probably be better. If not for the newsprint
I might even consider that as a substitute. Toilet
paper is a $9 billion industry. I know I discussed
the assorted types of toilet paper in a recent
story, but that much money? This brand is so
thin that it’s almost transparent and there must
be 2,000 squares to one roll. After three weeks
I’m still on the first roll. At this pace I have
enough to last until 2022. It’s so rough that I’m
now using Ponds face cream on a certain part
of my body that the cream wasn’t intended for.
(What? You think I’d use my Estee Lauder face
cream there?) Come to think of it, I’m almost
out of Ponds. The name Ponds is not enough.
I think I’ll soon need a brand called Oceans!
I hate to be stuck on this topic, but a research
scientist recently discussed that a toilet paper
crisis always seems to occur during very chal-lenging
times in our lives – hurricanes, storms,
tsunamis, etc. (Things are not bad enough? Did
this research need to be done?) According to his
observations, when an emergency of any type is
on the horizon, the first thing that disappears in
all stores is toilet paper. My thought from now
on is that anytime I do food shopping anywhere,
is to check the toilet paper aisle first. If supplies
look low, buy, buy, buy. The importance of the
stock of toilet paper in a store reminded me of
a movie I once saw a million years ago, I think
it was Bambi. When there was danger in the
forest, the animals became frightened and start
to run away from the looming threat. I guess
from now on toilet paper is going be our new
indicator of a forthcoming threat. By the way, I
understand gamblers are now betting with rolls
of toilet paper instead of money and toilet paper
trading has replaced the bitcoin. What’s next…
leaving toilet paper in your will?
Also built into my daily schedule is an allot-ment
of time to forage for food. I discovered stuff
in my freezer that was going to have a second
and third birthday soon. My frozen blueberries
were no longer blue. My veggie burgers were
planting gardens of their own. I don’t remember
when I cooked that drumstick that looked more
like it was attached to something from space.
Was that a potato or mold? Finally, I spent four
hours placing a food order with Pea Pod, after
which I had to call Chicago to find that my
card on file had expired. My order was three
pages long and the man kept saying, “I hope you
don’t lose your order while we straighten this
problem out.” That day was the beginning of the
process of my hair turning white. If it took two
weeks to find a delivery date after waiting two
weeks for me to just get the order
placed, why wouldn’t my hair turn
white? Or maybe do you think it
might have started when I canceled
my appointment with Pouran’s hair
salon two months ago? Who knew
ordering food from a supermarket
would be this much fun??? I have
gone to the extreme of placing food
orders anywhere and any time of
day. If it matters, I’m not ordering
junk food. Not because I don’t want
any. It’s because the stores are all
out of it. I’m managing with food
but getting it can take days of hard
work, but eventually persistence
pays off. What else is there to do?
The good news is that I’ve lost two
pounds. I think It’s from being stuck
in front of the computer looking for
something to eat and losing track
of time while trying to find my next
meal. Because of the weight loss
and the white hair, I sometimes
have to look in the mirror twice to
make sure it’s me. Who is that old
woman? Could someone else be living with
me? Oy vey!
You must try not to overreact to unexpected
things. I woke up one morning with blurry
vision. I thought I was losing my eyesight. On
closer inspection I discovered it was the hair
from my eyebrows hanging over my eyes. Did
that happen overnight? The last time I looked
three months ago, when my brows were colored
along with my hair, they seemed fine then. Well,
now I decided to pluck them….at least all the
gray strays. When I finished an hour later, the
gray ones were gone and so were my eyebrows.
Do you visualize the McDonald arches? Well
now I’m wearing them on my face. I hope I don’t
run out of eyebrow pencil. Oops! I almost went
for the stray on the chin, but decided against
that. From my favorite Netflix show, “Grace
and Frankie,” I heard that pulling a stray there
might unravel my face.
So, my dear friends, no matter what you are
doing, or how you are doing it…please remem-ber
we are all in this together. Stay strong and
know we will overcome this scourge and be
stronger for it. God bless us all.
14 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ June 2020