Don’t make me over… love me
with all my faults.
T—Dionne Warwick oday is one of those rainy
days that just make you feel
miserable. It happens every
once in a while. On a day like this,
I usually attack my apartment and
do things which should have been
done years ago. Like throwing
out clothes two sizes too big or
too small, or food which expired
during the Civil War. But at this
moment, there is a low hanging
cloud in front of my balcony that’s
so huge I can’t see! The thought of
going back to bed is really nagging
at me, but I can’t do that, for I have
a social event on my calendar I
have to keep, otherwise known
as a doctor’s appointment.
Don’t ask me why I have to go?
Do you think it’s easy to “choke on
air, fall up the stairs and trip over
nothing? Because of these skills, I
guess I’ll have to continue to make
social dates with my doctor.” I used
to be able to climb hills and move
mountains (sure!). So I’ve slowed
down a bit. Climbing one flight of
stairs and moving my shopping
bags from a cart to the trunk have
replaced those old capabilities.
“You never realize what you
have until it’s gone. Toilet paper
might be a good example.” If the
weather wasn’t bad enough, the
bad news I received in the doctor’s
office convinced me I should have
stayed home. I’m now 163.5… not
in weight but height. I never figured
out how to convert centimeters into
inches, but even then to be told I’m
now 5'33/16" tall, instead of 5'6",
was a real setback. I’ve heard this
before, but to put my life in jeopardy
2019
March to hear again I’m still shrinking
¢is upsetting. Does growing in width
COURIER compensate for the loss in height?
If that’s true, maybe things aren’t
that bad after all.
My blood pressure went up 5
TOWERS points to 108/68, after hearing
this news. Is this another
form of stress or is my
blood pressure too low to
SHORE begin with? I’ve already left
another doctor because his nurse
kept insisting I was less that 5'2".
NORTH I didn’t have a chance. She made
me take my shoes off. A four-inch
loss in height… not good!
sentences and phrases for bits I’d read somewhere, which I
12 I think it’s best to stay away from
found funny, but am unable to cite the source. doctors. In spite of the weather I
made it to the doctor’s office 2½
minutes late. I wasn’t too upset
even though the doctor’s office is
two minutes away. Fortunately, the
soupy weather thinned out and it
wasn’t too bad after all—unless
you’re uncomfortable with not
being able to see the cars in front
of or alongside you.
I recently got myself a new a car
and I have to admit, it's almost
always rains every time I drive
it. Is that some kind of omen? I
think rain is supposed to be lucky.
To make myself feel better about
this, I figured it saves money on a
car wash.
The last time I got a car, the
salesman acted as though I was
a “babe in the woods.” No, I was
a senior woman in a car
showroom with
a “con artist.”
In the past, I
always had
my husband
with
me. Even
t h o u g h
H o w a r d
didn’t drive
or ask too
many questions,
having him with me
made the salesman
more
responsive to
my intelligent
questions, like
how “Much air
does each tire
need?” and “Where
is the gas cap?” Why
not? Have you driven
on tires without
air or in a car without
gas?
Did I get the best deal
this time? Who knows?
I shopped with numbers,
models,
e q u i p -
m e n t ,
etc. I think I
did okay. But
do I really need a snow
plow attachment? I’m
not sure. I think if I
had a male infant on my
lap—arbitrarily shaking
his head yes or no—I
might have been able to do better
in my negotiations.
Learning to operate all the new
equipment is another story. It takes
me ten years to learn how to operate
all the different buttons, that’s why
I keep my cars for a long time. Do
you know how long it took me to
learn which way to turn the handle
to crank up the motor in my last
car? I think it was a model T.
The only thing that remains the
same in most models of a car is how
to get in and out, and even then
I’m not so sure. Did you ever own
a DeLorean? The other day, I went
to open the sunroof and the hatch
back opened. I turned around to
see what happened and my two
friends were no longer in the back
seat. Oy! I was horrified. Did they
get sucked out? Oh, no! I forgot
to pick them up!
Sooner or later, I’ll get used to
the fact I’m now driving an SUV.
Everything will be better when I
get the wooden blocks
attached to the brake and the gas
pedal. It’ll help me reach them more
easily. I’ve taken two cushions from
my couch, so I can see over the
steering wheel. I guess the 4" loss
in height makes a difference. Right
now, it’s not easy to stand behind
the steering wheel while you’re
driving!
When I got home from the doctor,
the day was still young. (Don’t
you sometimes hate that word
young?) So I decided it was time
to work on my list of things to do
around the house. “I started to talk
to myself—Why not? Sometimes
I need expert advice!” I made the
list… OMG! It was so big I now had
to figure out who’s going to do it. I
took so long with all these decisions
and the fact it was getting late, I got
too tired to do anything.
I thought maybe I’ll just find a
friend and we’ll sit and kvetch about
the weather, our weather-related
frizzy hair and our achy “rheumatism.”
You know, fun stuff. Friends
are great to kvetch with. Your kids
roll their eyes. Your friends listen. A
real friend is not judgmental. True,
sometimes my thoughts are a little
outrageous—that’s why I smile a
lot. My friends know we may not
always think alike, but on the other
hand, “You don’t have
to be crazy to hang
out with me… I’ll train
you.”
So you now know
about my life one
day this past month.
Not so bad.
I’ve come to a
conclusion
after reading
what I’ve just
writ- ten: I love laughing
at myself and looking at things
in a funny way. I know everything
can’t be fun all the time, but I
choose to be happy despite
all that happens and whatever
is challenging at the
moment. For this to be so,
let me assure you, I may not
have lost all my marbles yet, but
there’s definitely a small hole in the
bag somewhere.
A DAY IN THE LIFE*
*AUTHOR’S NOTE: Quotation marks are used for certain