FAIRY TALES ARE GRIMM
BY IRENE FRANK
We live in a grim “4C” world now—
chaos, conflict, conflagration and
covid—and it has changed all of us.
The cast of characters are grim and the outlook
is grim. I think if the fairy tales we know and
love were written today, their endings would
not be, “and they lived happily ever after,” but
something much grimmer representing the
mood of the people.
Take Snow White, for example. She set up
house with seven little people. Sneezy had
asthma; Bashful had dyslexia. Doc had his
license revoke because he was feeding opioids
to Sleepy; Grumpy ran out of valium. Dopey
refused to wear a mask and Happy was
a Pollyanna who didn’t know what was
going on in the world.
Ms. White ate the poisoned apple
offered by the Wicked Witch and she
had a severe allergic reaction resulting in
hives and great distortions of her lovely
face. The Witch was delighted, looked
into the mirror and asked, “Mirror, mirror
on the wall, now am I the fairest of
them all?” The answer broke the mirror:
December “You betcha, dollface!”
Cinderella had her problems too. She
worked long hours under terrible conditions
as a scullery maid for her awful
stepmother and stepsisters. “Scrub
¢those floors.” “Sew these clothes.”
COURIER “Clean those dishes.” “Don’t leave this
When the Fairy Godmother took pity
on the exhausted girl, she arranged to
TOWERS have her go to the ball. It was her dream
also turned to 14 carat gold. The king
come true. But she fled at midnight,
thought his daughter was pure and
leaving behind her black tie-up Easy
innocent, but the villagers knew she
Balance sneakers with the orthotics still
was promiscuous and mean-spirited.
SHORE in them. The Prince searched the kingdom
When he hugged her something went
for its owner, found her, married
very wrong and she turned to silver.
her and brought her to the palace.
Therefore, for the rest of time, she and
NORTH Upon arriving, Cinderella found a
her reputation would be tarnished!
sink full of dirty dishes from the ball and
There are many more grim stories to
filthy conditions everywhere. “Scrub
be told. Heed their messages and you
34 those floors, sew these clothes, clean
will “live happily ever after.” those dishes and don’t leave this room,” the
Prince barked. As she fell to the floor in disbelief
she thought to herself, “Well, it’s a step
up. Yesterday I was a scullery maid in a hovel
and today, I’m a scullery maid in a palace.”
Rapunzel had a suitor but was locked in a
tower for safekeeping. She had long, beautiful
golden hair. “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down
your hair so I may climb up and kiss you,” her
suitor said. She did as she was told.
As he started his climb, something unexpected
happened. Her beautiful strands of
golden hair came apart and he fell to his death.
Rapunzel had never told him about hair
Little Red Riding Hood was a very
good girl. She ran through the forest to
bring McDonald’s and a Coke to her
sick grandmother. When she arrived she
found her grandmother in bed wearing
a bonnet covering her head and face.
“Come keep me company in bed while
I eat the goodies you brought,” grandmother
said. “Why grandmother, what
a deep voice you have.”
Pulling off the bonnet, she immediately
recognized the wolf. “H. Weinstein
at your service, ma’am,” he growled. As
he reached for her she screamed, “ME
TOO!” She was, indeed, a tasty dish.
Greedy King Midas wanted everything
he touched to turn to gold and
his wish was granted. But when dinner
arrived, it was inedible as it had