FEBRUARY 2020 • LONGISLANDPRESS.COM 53
PARENTING TIPS
ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES DRAWING THE LINE
BY MICHELLE DELL’AQUILA
Children need to learn boundaries,
but teaching kids how to respect
themselves and others doesn't happen
overnight.
Setting boundaries may be needed in
situations where the child feels unsafe,
learning how to say “no” and seek help
from an adult, sharing, not hitting, or
taking things that do not belong to them.
LESS IS MORE
As a child becomes more self-aware
and aware of others' feelings, it is important
to understand that the fewer
boundaries that exist, the better the
chance a child has of adhering to them.
Too many boundaries can make a
child feel confused, overly restricted,
and afraid to speak and act naturally.
By initially setting five or fewer
boundaries, a child can better remember
and practice these new rules.
IMPLEMENTATION
Trying to get a child to follow new
boundaries can be challenging. Pointing
out specifics can help.
For example, if a child takes
another child’s toy, and one of the
boundaries a parent has set is to not
take others’ things, the parent can
help their child understand this by
asking, “Is this toy yours?” Parents
can also ask, “Would you like it if
I took your toy away?” Or, “How
do you think that made (child’s
name) feel?”
The goal isn’t to scold,
but rather to get the child to think
about how others feel. A young child
needs to process this information
before it can be understood and then
implemented.
RESPECT
There is a crucial step many parents
miss. And that is to respect the child’s
boundaries.
Many children exhibit dislikes at a
young age. These dislikes can range
from tickling to resisting people who
are overly affectionate. A child may
not like to show strong feelings of
affection such as hugging or kissing
— especially with people they don't
know well.
Parents can dismiss these boundaries
and force the child to “go give (adult’s
name) a hug or kiss on the cheek.”
But if a child says that they dislike a
specific action, parents should let the
child know the parent will not push the
matter further.
This establishes trust and respect
— the very things needed when establishing
boundaries.
Michelle Dell’Aquila is a licensed
therapist and the director of Child
Development Advice, an educational
consulting agency. She can be reached
at parentingcoachonline.com
Sharing is part of learning boundaries.
(Photo by AnukEvo)
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