64 THE QUEENS COURIER • BRIDAL • JUNE 20, 2019 FOR BREAKING NEWS VISIT WWW.QNS.COM
bridal
BLINDSIDED BRIDESMAID
How to handle a surprise invitation with grace
BY JULIA PRICE
Th e movie “Bridesmaids” hilariously
shows viewers the worst of the worst of
being part of a bridal party. While the
drama and fl air of any Hollywood movie
exaggerates reality, some scenes show that
being a bridesmaid can in fact feel like
a part-time job, especially if you weren’t
expecting to take on the role and aren’t
prepared. If someone whom you don’t
consider a close friend or family member
asks you to be a bridesmaid, what do
you do?
Though you may feel honored,
remember that you’re being asked to
take on a huge commitment. A recent
WeddingWire study reports that it costs
about $1,200 per wedding to be a bridesmaid,
and that can quickly rise to over
$1,800. You may really want to save the
investment for people with whom you’re
incredibly close. Unless, of course, the
invitation was more of a pleasant surprise.
If it feels like an easy yes, then it is!
Just keep in mind that while it will be a
whirlwind with lots of fun moments, you
may feel a little awkward when everyone
else is sharing deep, meaningful memories
about the bride or coming up with
thoughtful gift ideas because they’re very
close to her and you’re, well ... not. Take
the opportunity to go out of your comfort
zone and get more acquainted.
On the other hand, if you’ve been asked
by a co-worker, a distant cousin or maybe
even a friend from elementary school
who you haven’t spoke to in years and the
surprise feels a little more dreadful than
exciting, listen to your gut. In a Vogue
article online, writer Jenny Berg gets event
and wedding planner Yifat Oren’s opinion
on the matter. “Th ese days, depending
on who the bride is, the expectations
(on bridesmaids) can be really high,” says
Oren. “Th ey’re going away on very fancy
vacations for showers and bachelorette
parties. Even if they’re not traveling, the
expectations are really high with the very
posh showers that are taking place. I think
it’s very important to be honest with yourself.”
Of course, you can still tell the bride
how honored you are and how much
you appreciate the invitation. But let her
know you may need a few days to think
about it and weigh your other commitments.
Seeing as she’ll be in full-on wedding
mode, make sure you don’t leave her
hanging for more than a day or two. And
if it feels like a no, then listen to that. Don’t
let yourself be driven by guilt, because
every bride deserves a group of bridesmaids
who are so thrilled to take on this
role for her special day.
Aside from your personal relationship,
fi nances could contribute to your desire
to decline. You’ll most likely have to pay
for your dress, gift , travel, the bachelorette
party and more. Th ese costs add up
quickly, and shelling out a bunch of cash
for a bride you’re not close with is going
to feel like pulling teeth. So, you could tell
her that you’re currently saving money for
something else and you won’t be able to
factor in being a bridesmaid right now,
but that you’d still love to attend her wedding
as a guest (if, in fact, you do).
Being in a wedding party requires lots
of time. If you’ve just started a new job or
you have a lot of other things going on,
being a bridesmaid might be too overwhelming.
Simply tell the bride that you
won’t be able to dedicate what she needs
in order to have the best wedding day.
Oren says: “Tell the bride you’d be happy
to be there to support her (throughout the
planning process), and take a supporting
role. You just can’t take the lead.”
Perhaps neither of these reasons feels
good enough for you and you want to go
with the truth of the matter: You don’t feel
close enough to her to be a bridesmaid.
Th is is a huge risk if she’s someone with
whom you desire a continued relationship.
But if you do it compassionately and kindly,
she may actually be freed up to think
about the people in her life who feel the
same as she does and ask someone else.
A wedding is meant to be a joyous celebration
for all those involved. Being honest
and honorable in your response is the
way to ensure you and the beautiful bride
will get the most out of her special day.
Courtesy Creators.com
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