20 JULY 30, 2020 RIDGEWOOD TIMES WWW.QNS.COM
COPING WITH DEATH
Baby Boomers plan unique yet traditional funerals
We sympathize when we see someone experiencing
grief caused by the death of a
loved one, but there is something especially
poignant about a child who grieves over the loss of a
parent, grandparent, sibling, or even a beloved pet.
When children experience the death of a loved one
they grieve just as adults do, but they may not be able
to verbalize their sorrow.
To compound this, many adults may not feel comfortable
dealing with children’s sadness, especially
when grieving themselves.
They don’t know how to start the conversation, they
don’t know what to say, and, especially, they are fearful
of saying the wrong things.
So what can you do? There are many wonderful
books that can help. For example, in “Helping Children
Grieve,” Theresa Huntley includes some basic
suggestions excerpted here that will help adults who
want to console a grieving child:
• Be aware of personal feelings. When we are in
touch with our own feelings (sadness, loss, regret),
we will be better able to help bereaved children deal
with theirs.
• Recognize that each child’s level of understanding
is diff erent. Provide the children with information
and responses appropriate for their age level.
• Recognize that each child will grieve diff erently.
• Encourage questions.
• Encourage the expression of feelings. Let children
know that it is okay to show their emotions.
• Encourage participation in events following the
death. Tell the children about the events that will
be taking place (i.e., wake, funeral, burial). Give the
children permission to choose the extent of their
participation.
• Help a child to commemorate the life of the
deceased.
• Try to maintain a sense of normalcy. To restore
some semblance of security, try to follow the children’s
normal routine as closely as possible.
Also, the popular television show “Sesame Street”
has many wonderful resources to help connect with
a child who is mourning.
Children generally grieve in diff erent ways than
adults. As family and caregivers, we can recognize
this and guide them with love through a diffi cult time.
Ask your family funeral director for names of local
bereavement counselors who can help.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral Directors Association
Funerals have been held since the dawn of time
to honor and remember a departed loved one.
There is always a common thread -- the importance
of memorialization.
Now, however, with the Baby Boomer generation,
a new element has been added to the traditional
funeral.
Calling hours and other traditional rites are
still an important part of remembrance. But
many Baby Boomer funerals are taking on a
whole new look. They are becoming very personalized
remembrances -- reflecting the individual
and his or her interests in life.
We know that the ancient Egyptians buried
artifacts to help the departed spirit in the
afterlife.
Excavated tombs have yielded myriad items
including games and tools that the spirit might
want.
It is interesting to note that this practice is
popular once more as Baby Boomers request
their favorite sports equipment such as golf
clubs, tennis balls and team jerseys be placed in
the casket.
Mountain bikes and canoes have been displayed
during calling hours. Even the casket can
become a reminder of the Baby Boomers’ interest
in sports.
A New York City funeral director said that a
departed football fan was laid to rest in a casket
featuring a Notre Dame logo and team colors on
panels and the corner caps.
In Upstate New York, one funeral featured a
jazz band playing on the porch of the funeral
home.
Another funeral highlighted the departed’s interest
in handicapping horse races by simulating
his kitchen - complete with tip sheets and race
results broadcast from a radio.
Baby Boomers are also known for their interest
in preserving the environment.
At several sites in New York State, as well as
in other parts of the country, “green” cemeteries
and natural burial plots are available. There
are no underground vaults, no mausoleums and
minimal landscaping so the cemetery grounds
are kept in a more natural state.
Some families have asked funeral directors to
have a tree planted in memory of the departed
loved one, thus helping to renew forest life.
There are companies that blend cremated
remains with concrete to form reef structures
then place them in selected ocean sites to form
undersea “memorial reefs.”
These reefs are ecologically beneficial because
they form a natural habitat for undersea
creatures.
Today’s funeral director is likely to be a Baby
Boomer and more than happy to arrange a funeral
for you that will be truly memorable and
a celebration of your life.
So when you start to preplan your funeral,
be sure to discuss your desires with your family
and your neighborhood funeral director
so that you, too, can have a truly personalized
funeral.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral Directors Association
How you can help children deal with grief
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