WWW.QNS.COM RIDGEWOOD TIMES JULY 30, 2020 17
COPING WITH DEATH
Is closure ever possible?
Whether you’re a snowbird going to a
warmer climate to escape winter weather
or you’re traveling on a business trip,
it’s wise to prepare for the unexpected.
Accidents happen. People fall victim to new
or existing medical conditions. Death is always
an overwhelming event, especially so when it
occurs away from home. That’s why it is wise
to carry a wallet-sized card listing the names
of your next-of-kin, the telephone number of
your funeral director and stating whether any
funeral pre-arrangements have been made. Most
travelers wouldn’t dream of leaving home on an
extended trip without carrying along copies of
prescriptions, yet how many think to include
personal information that would facilitate their
fi nal arrangements if the unthinkable happens?
Robert Ruggiero, a licensed New York City
funeral director, offers these suggestions to
help cope with death away from home.
Don’t leave the body. The most frequent
response by family members experiencing
a death away from home is to hurry home to
begin funeral arrangements.
However, most deaths that occur while traveling
are sudden and require an investigation by
the local medical examiner’s office and police
department.
The family member traveling with the person
who remains available to the authorities
at the place of death will expedite the return
process.
If a person has died and family is not with
the deceased, survivors should not fly out to
the place of death.
With today’s technology, there’s a good
possibility that if identification is required,
survivors can save time by staying home and
requesting another means to accomplish the
necessary procedures.
Appoint your hometown funeral director as
the “point person.” Allow him or her to select
the means of returning your loved one home.
Your family funeral director is familiar with
the necessary procedures to ease the process
for you.
If the death occurs overseas, the U.S. State
Department’s Bureau of Consular Affairs in
Washington, DC (202-647-5225) or the local
Embassy can provide emergency assistance for
Americans traveling overseas who encounter a
tragedy of this nature.
For more information visit the Bureau of
Consular Affairs website, https://travel.state.
gov/content/passports/en/abroad/events-andrecords/
death.html
Any expense will ultimately be the responsibility
of the bereaved family but because of the
State Department’s intervention, there may be
no immediate upfront expense in most cases.
For more information, you might want to call
your family funeral director before leaving
home.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral Directors
Association
We hear people talking about
“closure” as if there is a door
that can be shut aft er experiencing
a tragedy in our lives, losing a
loved one or being witness to a horrifi c
event such as the terrorist attack on
the World Trade Center.
Friends might ask, “Haven’t you
reached closure yet?”
Grief cannot be forced or pushed
or closed off from our minds.
There is no magic formula for
working through grief.
The fact of the matter is that grief
must be expressed and dealt with.
We all experience and react to
loss in different ways depending on
the relationship of the deceased to
us, our past experiences with loss,
and sometimes even our health and
emotional state.
Grieving for a lost loved one can
take years, sometimes a lifetime.
According to Curtis Rostad, a Certified
Funeral Service Practitioner
who has been a licensed funeral
director since 1973, there is no such
thing as closure.
He maintains that those who refuse
to begin the journey through
grief simply delay their own
recovery.
Rostad goes on to explain why he
thinks the concept of closure is mentioned
so often in today’s culture. “It
should come as little surprise that
a generation of people brought up
with minute rice, instant coffee and
microwave ovens would search for
quick relief from something we call
grief,” he says.
“We hear it from those who go to
the scene of a disaster where their
family member has died. We hear
it from those who witness the execution
of the person convicted of
killing their loved one. We hear it
expressed by those who have someone
missing in war.”
In Rostad’s long experience in
helping families deal with grief, he
has found that seeking closure only
produces feelings of frustration
that join the emotions of sorrow.
There is no closure, but there is
a point where people have a great
deal of acceptance, even peace of
mind, and are able to move on to a
different frame of mind.
It’s a frame of mind that leaves
them supported by the memories,
but empowered to continue with
their lives knowing they did all they
could do with respect to the person
they lost.
Why would anyone seek closure?
Why would anyone want to close the
door on thoughts about a departed
loved one?
Grief will soften in the years after
a loss, but the door to memories
should always be open.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral Directors
Association
How to handle a death that occurs away from home
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