24 THE QUEENS COURIER • COPING WITH DEATH • JULY 30, 2020 FOR BREAKING NEWS VISIT WWW.QNS.COM
coping with death
Baby Boomers plan unique yet traditional funerals
Funerals have been held since
the dawn of time to honor and
remember a departed loved one.
Th ere is always a common thread
— the importance of memorialization.
Now, however, with the Baby
Boomer generation, a new element
has been added to the traditional
funeral.
Calling hours and other traditional
rites are still an important
part of remembrance. But many
Baby Boomer funerals are taking
on a whole new look. Th ey
are becoming very personalized
remembrances — refl ecting the
individual and his or her interests
in life.
We know that the ancient
Egyptians buried artifacts to
help the departed spirit in the
aft erlife.
Excavated tombs have yielded
myriad items including games
and tools that the spirit might
want.
It is interesting to note that this
practice is popular once more
as Baby Boomers request their
favorite sports equipment such
as golf clubs, tennis balls and
team jerseys be placed in the
casket.
Mountain bikes and canoes
have been displayed during
calling hours. Even the casket
can become a reminder of
the Baby Boomers’ interest in
sports.
A New York City funeral director
said that a departed football
fan was laid to rest in a casket
featuring a Notre Dame logo
and team colors on panels and
the corner caps.
In Upstate New York, one
funeral featured a jazz band playing
on the porch of the funeral
home.
Another funeral highlighted
the departed’s interest in handicapping
horse races by simulating
his kitchen - complete with
tip sheets and race results broadcast
from a radio.
Baby Boomers are also known
for their interest in preserving
the environment.
At several sites in New York
State, as well as in other parts of
the country, “green” cemeteries
and natural burial plots are available.
Th ere are no underground
vaults, no mausoleums and minimal
landscaping so the cemetery
grounds are kept in a more
natural state.
Some families have asked
funeral directors to have a
tree planted in memory of the
departed loved one, thus helping
to renew forest life.
Th ere are companies that
blend cremated remains with
concrete to form reef structures
then place them in selected
ocean sites to form undersea
“memorial reefs.”
Th ese reefs are ecologically
benefi cial because they form
a natural habitat for undersea
creatures.
Today’s funeral director is likely
to be a Baby Boomer and more
than happy to arrange a funeral
for you that will be truly memorable
and a celebration of your
life.
So when you start to preplan
your funeral, be sure to discuss
your desires with your family
and your neighborhood funeral
director so that you, too, can
have a truly personalized funeral.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral
Directors Association
Prescription for grief relief
“Oh to be a stone! To feel no
grief!”
Th e Greek dramatist Euripides
wrote these words 400 years
before the birth of Christ. Grief
is the price of love. When we
love someone and they die, we
feel the pain of grief. However,
there are steps we can take that
may ease the stress and hasten
our recovery.
Here are some tips that can
help the bereaved on their journey
through grief:
• Go back to work. If you had
a job, return as soon as possible.
Work is a healthy distraction
from the pain of loss. If
you were not in the workplace,
fi nd a job.
• Stay fi t. Exercise can help you
both physically and emotionally
because activity provides an
outlet for stress.
• Enroll in a class. Not only does
taking a class provide you with
a healthy diversion from grief
but it also can supply practical
knowledge for improving the
quality of your life.
• Be good to yourself. Do not
hesitate to treat yourself to
something you truly enjoy.
• Take some time to write down
a list of things that bring you
pleasure such as displaying a
vase of fresh fl owers, gardening,
leisurely reading a newspaper,
etc. Th en, try to engage
in at least one of these activities
daily.
• Volunteer your time. Another
eff ective way to get out of the
house and provide some grief
relief is through volunteering.
Local community groups
or museums and historic sites
always welcome people who
can spare some time to support
their activities.
• Talk about your grief with a
friend. Expressing and exploring
your feelings with a trusted
friend is one of the best things
you can do for yourself. Talking
helps relieve the pressure, brings
you perspective, and keeps you
in touch with others. Cry when
you feel like it.
• Read practical articles and
books about grief. Reading
about bereavement is an excellent
way to fi nd your way
through this diffi cult, uncharted
experience.
• Guide your thinking.
According to Laurence G.
Boldt, author of Zen Soup:
“’Th oughts,’ as Emerson put
it, ‘rule the world’ for the simple
reason that thoughts determine
feelings and actions. We
can think ourselves into happiness
or a deep depression. We
can think ourselves into health
or illness. If we only take care
of our thoughts, our feelings
and actions will take care of
themselves.”
• Cultivate hope on a daily basis.
When the days seem too long,
the nights endless and hope
a distant memory, rinse your
mind and fortify your spirit by
refl ecting on words of hope.
Th ough your journey through
grief may seem dark, the light
of recovery will break through.
Most survivors will fi nd solace
in these suggestions. But if you
feel that your grief is overwhelming
your life, ask your family
funeral director for the name
of a local bereavement counselor
who can guide you through
resolving your feelings of sadness
and loss.
Material in this column was
excerpted (with permission)
from an article authored by
Victor M. Parachin, a National
Funeral Directors Association
grief educator and minister.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral
Directors Association
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