he trend of long-married
couples calling it quits has
been growing. However,
there are some steps couples
can take to keep their relationships
going strong.
According to the AARP, divorces
among people over the
age of 50 have doubled since
1990. According to Susan
Brown, co-director of the National
Center for Family and
Marriage Research at Bowling
Green State University, one
out of three baby boomers will
face their golden years unmarried.
There are a number of reasons
why divorce rates have
skyrocketed among the over-
50 set. Understanding just why
these divorces are taking place
and taking proactive steps to
alleviate some of the divorce
triggers can be a recipe for
a happy marriage that continues
throughout a couple’s
golden years.
Increase accountability.
Ours is a transient society
where families no longer bat an
eyelash over moving great distances
away from other family
members. As a result, boomers
may feel like they are not connected
to children or grandchildren.
With this in mind,
they may feel less attached to
their marriage or their responsibilities,
or believe that no
one will get hurt by a divorce.
Keeping families close and remaining
in frequent contact
can increase accountability
and reduce the propensity for
divorce.
Get things out in the
open. A major reason for a
failed marriage is years of
avoiding significant issues,
rather than addressing problems.
Couples should make
time to talk to each other about
anything that might be bothering
them, rather than letting
too many things slide. If
these conversations turn into
shouting matches, there is always
the option of bringing in
a third party to serve as a mediator.
Spend time apart. After
retirement, couples may find
themselves spending hours
upon hours in each other’s
company. While togetherness
can be beneficial, too much
time spent together may lead
to feelings of suffocation and
the perception that each member
of the relationship is no
longer his or her own person.
Individuals can remedy this
by doing more things on their
own, whether spending time
apart with friends or engaging
in hobby time without
your spouse. After all, absence
makes the heart grow fonder.
Brief periods of separation
can make the time married
couples do spend together feel
more meaningful.
Recommit to your vows.
After 30 or more years, the
vows you shared on your wedding
TIMESLEDGER | 18 QNS.COM | FEB. 21-27, 2020
day may be a distant memory.
Some people may have
different views on the permanence
of vows, putting personal
happiness ahead of the
happiness of the couple. Take
stock of what you promised
one another on your wedding
day and stick to those words.
Become a comedian.
Laughter has a way of dissolving
a tenuous situation.
Focus energy on laughing at
mistakes instead of pointing
blame. Couples can make fun
of themselves and resolve to
not take things too seriously.
Act like you’re dating.
Couples often become complacent
after many years of marriage.
They may forget about
the little details that made the
relationship fun in the early
years. The personal notes and
cards and other surprises may
fall by the wayside after being
together for some time. Make
an effort to go on dates, write
love notes, and think of what
was appreciated by your partners
when you were in the dating
stage.
Practice selflessness.
Sometimes all that is needed to
rekindle a relationship is a selfless
act that shows how much
you care for your partner.
Couples who are on the
fence with regard to divorce
can make an effort to improve
the relationship rather than
simply see divorce as the best
option.
hether retirement is
on the horizon or has
already begun, more
free time equates to an increased
opportunity to fill
your days with enjoyable activities.
Those facing busy schedules
are often forced to push
hobbies to the sidelines, as
more pressing things, such
as a job, household responsibilities,
and parenting tasks,
are accomplished. Once retirement
arrives, a newfound
freedom in your schedule
may occur, and there can be
plenty of hours to devote to
the hobbies and pastimes you
find enjoyable.
According to research,
hobbies can have many benefits.
They may serve as an
emotional outlet or a way to
relax. Hobbies can keep the
mind and hands active. They
also allow for quiet time and
mind wandering — which
can free up creative thinking.
Hobbies can also serve
as a means to connecting
with people and opening up
new groups of friends.
There are many hobbies
you can consider, depending
on physical health and abilities.
These may be hobbies
you once enjoyed in the past
or new activities to expand
your horizons. And hobbies
need not be crafty in the traditional
sense, just about
any activity — even being a
mentor — can be a form of a
hobby.
When deciding on a hobby,
you can first take an inventory
of your skills and interests.
If you have always been
handy around wood and construction,
perhaps a woodworking
hobby will be enjoyable
and also may work as a
source of income revenue.
Other activities that require
the use of the hands
and mind include knitting,
needlepoint, painting, puzzles,
quilting, scrapbooking,
and crocheting. These can
keep the mind active and improve
dexterity and fine motor
skills.
Next, you may want to
consider the costs surrounding
a hobby. Something like
taking photos may have relatively
low costs, but collectibles,
exotic sports, sports
cars, and travel could become
expensive. It’s important to
weigh the costs against your
finances to ensure that you
will be financially comfortable
while engaging in this
particular hobby.
Explore what your friends
are doing. If you want to get
into a new hobby, ask neighbors
and friends what they
do to keep busy — and try it
out. You just may find that
you’re naturally inclined to
do this type of activity and
enjoy it.
Visit a local hobby shop
or craft store and browse
through the aisles. See where
your attention is drawn and
give that activity a try. From
building model trains to
cultivating an herb garden,
there are dozens of ideas to
try.
A hobby can take the form
of volunteer work, teaching,
mentoring, joining a martial
arts class, taking classes at a
college, and even caring for a
pet. If you are the type who
likes to interact with other
people instead of engaging
in a solitary hobby, consider
one of these types of activities
instead.
Once a hobby is started, it
is not set in stone. If you find
you do not feel motivated to
do this hobby, try something
else. Remember, the days are
now yours to fill, so maximize
time spent with activities
you can enjoy.
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