America Liberated! Trump Found In Bunker!
BY SUSIE DAY
JULY 5, 2020 — An ad-hoc alliance of
radical armies demanding justice for
Black lives broke through federal barricades
today to storm Capitol Hill. As
thousands of activists advanced into Washington,
DC, toppling the Washington Monument
and streaming into legislative offi ces, the lifeless
body of Donald J. Trump, president and
commander-in-chief, was found inside his underground
security bunker, riddled with selfinfl
icted bullet wounds.
Minutes later, Vice President Mike Pence was
taken into custody. Mr. Pence — the president’s
key defender, who has said, “Donald Trump
and I believe there’s been far too much talk of
institutional bias or racism within law enforcement”
— did not go quietly.
“Donnie! O my beautiful orange baby!” wailed
Mr. Pence, gnashing his teeth and rending his
government-issued fl ak jacket. “Why did it have
to be you? Why couldn’t it have been 500 more
Black people? Hey, OW — quit tasing me!”
Mr. Pence is being held without bail, along
with congressmembers such as Mitch McConnell,
Rand Paul, Steve King, and most of the
Trump cabinet. As it becomes clear that a national
takeover is underway, thousands of African
➤ RITCHIE TORRES, from p.24
has consistently worked to improve the quality
of life for queer residents of the Bronx and
citywide, particularly in the provision of mental
health services. He has in the past been frank
about his own struggles with mental health
challenges as a young man attending NYU.
Beyond these qualifi cations, Torres, more
than any other candidate, has proven his commitment
to ensuring that Diaz not represent
the Bronx in Washington — being the fi rst
to signal interest in the race. In that respect,
one of his opponents, former Council Speaker
Melissa Mark-Viverto — who won that post in
good measure thanks to the boost de Blasio, as
mayor-elect, gave her bid in 2013 — entered the
race late, and could fairly be characterized as a
spoiler. The competition between her and Torres
has become heated, but she has failed to offer a
compelling rationale for her candidacy — which
comes on the rebound from her failed bid for
public advocate last year — when a contender
as talented and determined as Torres had already
taken the gloves off against Diaz.
Another Democrat who joined the race after
failing to capture the public advocate job last
year is Assemblymember Michael Blake, who
worked in the Obama administration and the
former president’s election campaigns after political
Americans and supporters are converging
onto the newly liberated White House lawn,
while millions more across the country are
fl ooding city halls and state capitals to demand
justice.
Government offi cials and right-wing pundits
are reportedly defying travel restrictions to buy
plane tickets to faraway counties.
“OMYGOD — OMYGOD!” shuddered Ann
Coulter, on line at a JFK ticket counter. “If theydo
to uswhat we’vedone to themfor the last fi ve
centuries? I’m too fragile to contemplate that. In
fact: Fiddle-dee-dee, I’ll think about that tomorrow—
in Hungary.”
Reporters caught up with senior policy advisor
Stephen Miller as he boarded a plane for
Paraguay. Mr. Miller, architect of recent immigration
policy and promoter of white nationalist
literature, denied he was leaving because he
feared retribution.
“I just need a little vacation,” Mr. Miller explained
through his N95 mask. “Somewhere
white people are not oppressed — where we can
exercise our inalienable right to bigotry. Because,
Caucasianally speaking, this is the end
of America’s 400-year Reich — uh, democracy.”
Pence “Surrenders”
SEPTEMBER 14, 2020 — Before its liberation
jobs in Michigan and Illinois. His election
to the Assembly in 2014 was plagued by charges
that he wasn’t actually a Bronx resident, and
he has apparently decided he’d like a return
ticket to DC.
Yet another public advocate hopeful from
last year, Manhattan Councilmember Ydanis
Rodriguez, disqualifi es himself from consideration
by progressives due to his longstanding
ties to both Diaz and Bronx Councilmember
Fernando Cabrera, who turned up in Uganda
in 2014 right after that nation enacted a harsh
anti-gay law and made a YouTube video, later
taken down, praising its leaders.
The one other candidate who has attracted
attention in the race is Samelys López, a community
organizer who has the support not only
of Ocasio-Cortez, but also the Working Families
Party. Despite that support, she recently polled
at only two percent — compared to the two clear
frontrunners: Diaz at 22 percent and Torres at
20 percent.
It’s signifi cant that in a progressive challenge
to 16th Congressional District Representative
Eliot Engel, Working Families engineered the
withdrawal of one of Engel’s two opponents to
unify the vote against him. Why has the WFP
put such a premium on defeating Engel, while
sitting back and giving Diaz a stronger chance
to win in NY15?
P E R S P E C T I V E : S n i d e L i n e s
one week ago, Louisiana’s Angola Penitentiary
was the largest maximum-security prison
in the UA, housing some 6,300 people, 80 percent
African-American.
Now that virtually everyone inside US prisons
has been released to join their families
and rebuild their lives, only a few thousand
ex-government and corporate offi cials remain,
charged with various crimes against humanity.
It is here, live-streamed from the prison visiting
room, that former Vice President Mike Pence
today issued a heartfelt declaration of unconditional
surrender.
“Effective immediately, all military units deployed
both globally and domestically are disbanded.
Further, I withdraw federal funding to
police forces across the nation. And PS? Now
that there’s mostly white people behind bars,
I think it would be a real shame if we all got
COVID-19 in here.”
With compassionate release a dim prospect,
Mr. Pence is trying to sell Random House the
story of his life and personal journey. He no longer
believes in the death penalty, for instance,
nor does he continue to oppose homosexual
and transgender rights. In fact, Mr. Pence says
that he is now considering his option of going
➤ LIBERATION continued on p.41
One last point to make about this race. Diaz
recently sent out one of his “What You Should
Know” dispatches in which he touts my praise
of him for showing support for Abel Cedeno, the
19-year-old bullied gay youth sent to prison for
14 years for the fatal stabbing of another high
school student during a classroom rumble. I
stand by that praise — and fully acknowledge
that one issue on which Diaz has shown leadership
is concern for the rights of those accused
in the criminal justice system. I wish Torres
and others in the race had acted as Diaz did.
Life and politics would be much simpler if
our allies always did everything we wished they
would — and opponents always proved themselves
unworthy. In 2003, Barney Frank, a
harsh critic of the war in Iraq, explained to me
his support for pro-war John Kerry’s presidential
campaign by saying, “If I thought I could
fi nd a candidate who agreed with me on everything,
I’d run for president myself.”
The winner in the 15th Congressional District
will face untold numbers of issues in offi ce
next year. The candidate we believe will most
closely align himself with the values and goals
we hold dear is Ritchie Torres.
And we know only too well that the election
of Ruben Diaz, Sr., would be a tragic step backwards
for the cause of equality and inclusion in
American society.
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