OUR ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO THE BOROUGH OF KINGS
EXHIBIT MAKING HISTORY: A bittersweet celebration of elders who lost time and paved the way for
COURIER LIFE, JANUARY 22-28, 2021 25
BY HAZEL SHAHGHOLI
Pat and Paulette are a loving, vibrant
couple who have been together for
fi ve years and married for three. They
live together in East Harlem and met
at an event ran by SAGE. Collectively,
they’ve lost 56 years living closeted.
The couple are featured in the “Not
Another Second” exhibition alongside
12 other elders, who, for a variety of reasons,
felt forced to live cis-gender lives
— many for decades. Collectively, these
12 elders have lost 485 years living double
lives or otherwise suppressing their
authentic selves.
The exhibition, which tells their
stories dynamically though AR technology,
is free for public and socially
distanced viewings every Tuesday,
Thursday and Saturday from Jan. 19
through March at The Watermark in
Brooklyn Heights.
Pat and Paulette had very different
journeys in terms of living their sexuality.
By the age of 16, Pat knew she was
interested in and sexually attracted to
women. She was known and accepted
on her block as a tomboy and never
decried for dressing in a way that was
non-status quo. When Pat came out in
1969, she was embraced by her friends
and her family — everyone she cared
for, aside from her mother.
Indeed, it was this lack of acceptance
by her mother that led to Pat’s
only regret in life. While watching the
historic June 1969 Stonewall Protests
on TV, Pat leapt up to grab her coat and
join the fi ght. Her mother blocked the
door and said, “If you go out that door
I will murder you. I will kill you. You
will not go there.”
By the time she was 17, Paulette had
two children and, given her competitive
nature, when taunted one day by
her grandmother that no man would
want to be with her because she had the
“baggage” of two children — that awful
“damaged goods” scarlet letter — Paulette
replied, “We’ll see.”
Not long after this provocation, Paulette
was married to a member of the
armed services who could provide her
now three children with the quality of
life that they deserved. This act of defi -
ance to her grandmother transformed
into a kind of trade-off that she “deeply
regrets, because not only did I have to
suppress myself, I wasn’t even able to be
true to who I am to my children.”
Interestingly, but not uncommonly,
Paulette’s internal anger over not being
able to live authentically, coupled
with the fear that somehow somebody
would “discover” her secret lesbianism
was sometimes homophobic in her high
school and later years. For her, this was
a self-protective measure.
By age 40, Paulette had an epiphany
moment, decided she had had enough
and was moving her and her children
to Hawaii to live her authentic self.
The emotional toil of being trapped
in her marriage was signifi cant. Paulette
powerfully likens her years of living
as a “straight, married woman” to
being trapped under a manhole cover
that was nailed down. “It is was horrifi
c and emotionally damaging, “she
stated.
Although young people can speak
to each other about their sexuality and
gender identity via online communities,
these are often organized into age
ranges, and what Pat and Paulette hope
spectators will take away from the “Not
Another Second” exhibition is inspiration
to make the most out of an intergenerational
community.
“If you’re feeling confused about
where you fi t, ask an elder,” said Pat.
“There is somebody out there who
has been where you are at — no matter
where they are at on the age spectrum.”
Lessons
learned
Exhibit explores
stories, ‘years lost’
of LGBTQ elders
Visit the “Not Another Second” exhibition
at The Watermark, 21 Clark
St., Brooklyn Heights for free every
Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Go
to www.notanothersecond.com to reserve
your spot.
LGBTQ+ rights is now on display at The Watermark. Photo by Dean Moses
/www.notanothersecond.com
/www.notanothersecond.com
