14 AWP Brooklyn Paper • www.BrooklynPaper.com • (718) 260-2500 June 7–13, 2019
The value of taking the other side
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Growing up, I loved to
debate people. Well, I
didn’t always love it.
Actually, it would often get
me into trouble, and I hated
it. But I did it anyway. I’m
not sure why. I was born
with it, like that little birthmark
on the side of my nose
that people often think is a
nose ring.
Because of my affliction,
I joined Speech & Debate in
high school. But I remember
how quickly I gave up on debate.
I think I was asked to defend
something I didn’t believe
in, and…well, I just couldn’t.
I gave up debate in favor of
reading poems and humorous
essays.
I’ve been thinking about
that a lot lately, though. How I
shouldn’t have quit the debate
team; about how important it is
to learn to defend “other side.”
I did it a lot as a journalist, of
course — trying to impart a
balanced view of things —
but in everyday life, I often
get stuck thinking that how I
think is how everyone thinks.
And then I’m shocked to find
that just isn’t true.
How can we understand
each other? I went to a live
taping of “The View” with
my mom a couple years back.
She loves the show and was
super excited. We waited on
line outside, then waited inside,
then we were led to specific
seats. There was a comedian
whose job it was to
entertain us as we waited for
the ladies to arrive on stage. He
asked us a lot of questions including
how many of us were
Democrats. Almost everyone
clapped. When he asked how
many Republicans were in the
room, it was a light smattering,
maybe two or three of the
whole viewing audience.
The show began, and there
was a lot of politics, mostly
making fun of Trump for stupid
things he’d done. Everyone
was laughing and cheering.
There was a sense, though,
among the ladies on stage —
the stars, — that they were
frustrated with the state of
things in this country; that
they wanted things to get better;
that they wanted there to
be less strife in the government;
that they wanted there
to be more accomplished and
yet…
That day, they had pretaped
the special guest – Idris
Elba – so we had time for a
Q & A. I put my hand up to ask
a question, but then put it down
again. There were so many
questions. At the very end,
the comedian pointed to me.
“Did you have a question?” he
asked. And I nodded.
I stood up and Whoopi and
the gang stared up at me.
“Yes, hi. Well, I was just
wondering, I mean, at the beginning
of the show you asked
how many of us were Democrats
and how many were Republicans,
and it’s clear that the
audience is mostly Democrat.
And I assume your viewing au-
dience is pretty similar. And so
I’m wondering, if you’re trying
to bring this country together,
and then you’re just talking to
Democrats, and pointing out
everything that’s wrong, and
making fun of it…I mean, how
are you going to change anything?”
Whoopi had been pretty
checked out of the conversation,
until then. She came
alive. I can’t really remember
what she said, exactly, because
she had no defense really.
It was a one-sided show
presenting people with a perspective
they already had and
just driving their anger and
frustration further. As a journalist
who’d always believed in
balance, it was slightly alarming.
But what was I suggesting
they do, how could they
change? I don’t know exactly.
How can we change in the real
world — outside of the news
and entertainment world —
where we live?
I guess I think it’s a good
idea to talk with people who
feel differently than we do, to
engage in polite debate. The
problem is, as is evidenced by
a conversation I had recently,
the debate gets impolite pretty
fast. Just saying you are in one
political party or the other immediately
shuts down any real
exchange of ideas in favor of
assumptions and name-calling,
perpetuated — I’m sorry
to say — by the news media
on both sides.
Solutions seem a long way
from possible when the conversation
is mainly focused on
who is more stupid than the
other. I laugh, even though it’s
not funny, because it reminds
me so much of when my boys
used to fight, and it just went
round and round without end
because they were just mad at
each other and not being the
slightest bit rational. I would
say to them then that I didn’t
care what the other said or did,
that sometime they had each
acted badly, and that the important
thing now was to end it, to
stop fighting, to find peace.
Debates can rage on forever
and often do. But the solutions
to the problems we have
lie somewhere outside them,
somewhere outside the rhetoric
and propaganda of both
sides.
I’m trying these days to
poke holes in everyone’s
logic; to act like I’m back
on that debate team and be
able to defend even the side I
don’t necessarily agree with
just so I can understand and
so I don’t shut people down.
It’s dangerous when we can’t
reach one another, when we
stop being able to see how
much we actually have in
common and focus instead
on all the differences.
Fearless
Living
By Stephanie Thompson
By Colin Mixson
Brooklyn Paper
Police have identified a
man’s remains discovered
in the water near Pier 4 in
Sunset Park earlier this year
as a Prospect Lefferts Gardens
man.
A family member contacted
police to identify the
victim’s body as 33-year-old
Mathew Holley, who resided
on Lefferts Avenue between
Bedford and Rogers avenues,
cops said.
A passerby spotted Holley’s
remains floating off the
coast near the Brooklyn Army
Terminal at 58th Street at 11:14
a.m. on March 13, and NYPD
Harbor Patrol responded to
collect the body.
The investigation into his
death remains ongoing, and a
cause of death is pending the
Medical Examiner’s report.
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