34 THE QUEENS COURIER • HEALTH • APRIL 2, 2020 FOR BREAKING NEWS VISIT WWW.QNS.COM
health
Self love in the time of coronavirus:
Mental health tips for parents
BY LAURA VLADIMIROVA
AND EVELYN GAMA
Th ese are trying times. In addition to all
of the small worries parents carry around
daily, we’ve now added coronavirus
(COVID-19) and all the unknowns that
come with this unprecedented time. Many
parents are going through their days in a
state of heightened anxiety. Some parents
are beginning to make diffi cult decisions
about how best to ride out the health recommendations
— schools closing, social
distancing and constant hand-washing —
while maintaining a sense of normalcy for
themselves and their children
Everyone reading this, stop. Take a big,
beautiful and deep breath. We’re going to
keep going. We’re going to fi nd new ways
to be normal, to fi nd big, hearty laughs
and celebrate joy with our children.
Learning to manage this current state
of anxiety and fi ghting for joy is a fi ght
worth having. In fact, it is more important
now than ever. Let’s use the acronym
CALM to stay present, loving, and open
for the benefi t of our mental health and
the benefi t of cultivating even more love
for our littles.
Create a plan. Th ere’s something everyone’s
been saying that isn’t of much help,
“Oh, it’s just like the fl u.” Minimizing or
ignoring your worry or anxiety doesn’t
actually make it go away. Instead, it buries
itself deeper into your mind and makes
things worse. Within manageable levels,
worry and anxiety are there to help us
plan and be prepared for potential threats.
Th e problem occurs when our mind and
body enter a constant state of worry and
rumination rather than planning.
Create a plan for the day or week that
you’re in. Ask yourself, what can I do
to prepare myself and my family? Th ese
are short-term, attainable goals that help
your mind process what is and isn’t possible
at this moment. In this way, you harness
worry to control the things you can
control. Th en, when rumination creeps in
again, you let go of what you can’t control.
Creating a plan might look like stocking
your freezer or having contingencies for
modifi ed work or childcare situations. It
can also look like talking to your partner
or a trusted family member to know that
you’re on the same page or have support
for diff erent contingencies. For example,
asking each other, “If we are both working
from home, what do we need?”
Acceptance. Accept that we are in a
diffi cult time, and we won’t have all the
answers for the foreseeable future. Accept
that no one is perfect, and so many of us
are trying our best. With that acceptance,
you can attune to what you need to be
able to cope with the uncertainty and the
distress that creates. Acceptance does not
mean ignoring feelings. Instead, it means
holding feelings and still being able to
move forward.
For example, if we accept that events
may be disrupted, we can plan to still have
contact with close friends or set up more
Facetime calls with family. For parents,
acceptance might help you be attuned to
your feelings of being off schedule and
talk to your partner about what you each
need in terms of self-care during this
time. Accepting something of this magnitude
is a Sisyphean task. Yet, it is also
a trusted coping and anxiety-management
tool. What are some tools to learn
to accept tricky circumstances? One idea
is to make a new reality meaningful.
Finding meaning by learning to explore
the opportunities and possibilities that
come out of a diffi cult moment can be
deeply purposeful.
Limit the fl ow of activating information.
We were already inundated with
information before the coronavirus crisis,
and now it feels even more urgent. It
feels like this is all anyone wants to talk
about! While that may be true, for those
with anxiety or developing anxiety, this
can be overwhelming. With 24-hour news
cycles, Twitter, Reddit and more, we have
so many sources of information throughout
the day that it becomes easy to stay in
an activated fi ght-or-fl ight response at all
times. Th is exhausts our nervous system
and keeps us in a state of anxious anticipation.
Limit your experience to a few
trusted sources. Set aside times to check
news and updates. Set up a buff er before
bedtime to protect healthy sleep. It’s wise
to stay informed. It is also wise to ensure
adequate rest, nutrition and authentic
connection with your family, partner or
body.
Mindfulness. Th is biggest buzzword of
the last few years is on this list for a reason:
It works. Mindfulness is such a valuable
tool right now. It allows you to balance
and smooth out that fi ght-or-fl ight
activation with soft er, gentler moments
that create a more open, social or serene
feeling. For many people, mindfulness
feels out of reach in their hectic day-today
lives. While creating a meditation
practice is a worthy goal, mindfulness can
also be found in smaller, attainable changes.
In this context, mindfulness refers not
to emptying the mind, but to being in the
present moment.
Sometimes that can mean taking a
moment to attune to self. Can you fi nd
a moment in your day to tune into what
you’re thinking and feeling for three minutes?
Watch those thoughts go by without
judging them or rushing into problem
solving. Turn your awareness to them
and take deep breaths to bring your body
into awareness as well. As you practice
mindfulness, you may notice a self-care
need coming forth during this time. I
need a few minutes alone, or I need to
connect to a friend today. Use that information
to create moments of self-care and
self-soothing.
Other times, mindfulness can mean
cueing into the moment you are in with
others or a task at hand. Parents who are
staying in more oft en with their children
during this time and canceling events can
compassionately notice their own feelings
around being stuck inside and then try to
create a few moments throughout the day
of mindful, engaged play. Th is is a time to
put away phones and distractions and let
your child or children do what they do
so naturally, which is to be entirely in the
moment they are in. If you struggle with
this, you can set yourself up for success by
thinking about a type of play you actually
enjoy – art activities, baking, or board
games — and engaging with your kids in
those activities.
One thing that coronavirus has brought
to the surface is how truly dependent we
are on each other, for better or worse. We
may need our neighbor to be an ally at
this time, they may need us to help them
too. Our partners and friends need us to
be authentic, which means showcasing
both care and worry earnestly. Our kids
need us to keep their lives full of honesty
and as normal as possible. We need all of
that, too, so we fi ght to stay grateful, calm
and loving to ourselves so we can keep
showing up for others in this unprecedented
time of connectedness.
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