Author chronicles years-long journey
to dissociative identity disorder
BY BEN VERDE
Don’t stop be-leafi ng!
Since closing on March 17
to stem the spread of the novel
coronavirus, Brooklyn’s living
museum on Monday announced
that it will reopen to
the public on August 7.
The news comes as New
York City moves into Phase
Four of reopening, which
allows for botanic gardens
and zoos to reopen with limited
capacity and new safety
guidelines, such as timed
tickets and other efforts to reduce
crowding.
“BBG was founded 110
years ago with the idea that
beautiful, accessible outdoor
space was essential to health
and well-being for New York
City residents,” said the
BBG’s interim director Leslie
COURIER L 20 IFE, JULY 24-30, 2020
Findlen. “That is as true
today as it was then.”
Guests will be required
to wear a face-covering and
maintain social distance,
and indoor areas where social
distancing is not possible
will remain closed. During
the fi rst days of reopening,
food and drink services will
not be available, and guests
must bring their own bottled
water.
Food other than bottled
water will not be allowed, according
to garden offi cials.
All programming is postponed
for now, but visitors
who score tickets will have
access to new areas of the garden,
including the Rober W.
Wilson overlook and the Elizabeth
Bensonhurst native Vivian Conan
tackles her dissociative identity
disorder in a new memoir.
Vivian Conan
Scholtz Woodland Garden.
Visitors will also have
access to Japanese Hill and
Pond Garden, the Osborne
Garden, the Shakespeare
Garden, and more, according
to heads of the greenspace.
BOOKS
While the local landmark
was shuttered, a series of
small, rotating teams of essential
staff have continued
tending to the garden’s 52
acres, where azaleas, tulips,
and lilacs bursted behind
closed doors.
“We hope that the garden’s
beauty may offer a peaceful
respite from the turmoil of
this unprecedented period,”
said Diane Steinberg, chair of
BBG’s Board of Trustees.
BY EMILY DAVENPORT
A new memoir gives readers
a glimpse into a Brooklyn
woman’s mental health journey.
Vivian Conan, 78, was born
and raised in Bensonhurst
and knew from a young age
that something was different
for her. It wasn’t until she was
46 years old that Conan fi nally
learned that she had dissociative
identity disorder (once
known as multiple personality
disorder), or DID.
Her new book, “Losing the
Atmosphere: A Memoir, A Baffl
ing Disorder, A Search for
Help, and the Therapist Who
Understood,” explores Conan’s
journey to fi nding the correct
mental health diagnosis while
hoping to break down some of
the stigmas behind those with
mental illness.
“People are afraid of the
mentally ill,” said Conan.
“It’s often over-sensationalized
in the media. For years
I felt ashamed of who I was,
even though people saw me
and thought I was successful. I
wanted to show that mentally
ill people can behave in an ordinary
way.”
From the time she was
5 or 6 years old, Conan had
an imaginary space in her
mind that she called “the atmosphere”
which served as a
place where Conan manifested
adult fi gures in her life as the
best possible versions of themselves,
giving her the support
she didn’t get from those fi gures.
She also began to notice
that she had alternate identities,
also known as alters, who
would come and go.
“I didn’t know it was something
that wasn’t good,” said
Conan. “When I was a teen,
I saw faces in the mirror that
weren’t mine. There were parts
of me that acted ‘normal,’ but I
knew in my teenage head that
something wasn’t right.”
In the book, Conan describes
her experience in coming
to terms with her “atmosphere”
and confi ding in her
teacher as a teenager, who ultimately
told Conan’s mother.
This ended up kick-starting
Conan’s mental health journey,
even though she wouldn’t
get a proper diagnosis for
years.
According to Conan, those
with DID often aren’t correctly
diagnosed for seven years. In
the fi rst edition of the Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual
of Mental Disorders (DSM),
which came out in 1962, there
was no entry for DID. It wasn’t
until 1983 when the third edition
of the DSM was printed
that had an entry for multiple
personality disorder.
In her own mental health
journey, Conan found that
she was originally diagnosed
with schizophrenia, however
she knew that something was
still off.
“When I fi rst went into the
hospital when I was 25, they
thought I was schizophrenic
– that’s what they had that fi t
at that time,” said Conan. “I
didn’t fi nd out that I was classifi
ed as schizophrenic until I
requested my hospital records
in my 40s. I always knew that
something was wrong and my
therapists weren’t getting it.”
In the book, Conan recounts
how as she got closer
to a diagnosis, her therapist
at time had a hard time understanding
her disorder. It
wasn’t until Conan saw the
1976 fi lm “Sybil,” which is
based on a book chronicling
the true story of a woman living
with DID, that something
clicked in Conan’s head.
“I had read the book years
prior and hadn’t connected
to it. I rented the fi lm and
watched it while I was home
alone, and it blew my mind,”
said Conan. “I asked my therapist,
‘Could there be more people
like that out there?’ and
we watched the fi lm together.
My therapist told me that she
was uncomfortable with the
idea of multiple personalities,
so I had to fi nd someone who
wasn’t scared of it.”
Conan eventually found
another therapist who wasn’t
intimidated by DID and ultimately
found out that her diagnosis
also had an attachment
disorder with it, as well
as her journey to start to trust
real people instead of the people
in her “atmosphere.”
“Children are very vulnerable
and have their own ways
of dealing with abuse,” said
Conan. “Many of them cannot
escape from their environment,
even though it may be
their providers causing the
abuse. Some escape internally,
and once they grow up and are
not in that abusive situation
anymore, it becomes a liability
and prevents them from
interacting fully in the world.
Even though it’s no longer
needed, it’s hard to get rid of.
That’s why it’s so important to
fi nd the right kind of therapy
and the right therapist for specifi
c mental health needs.”
Flower power!
Brooklyn Botanic Garden to reopen
BROOKLYN
Lost & found “Losing the Atmosphere: A
Memoir, A Baffl ing Disorder,
A Search for Help, and the
Therapist Who Understood”
will be available on September
29. For more information, visit
vivianconan.com.
GREEN DREAM: Brooklyn Botanic Garden will offi cially reopen August 7. Brooklyn Botanic Garden
/vivianconan.com
