Gay Marriage in A Not-So-Gay World
BY SUSIE DAY
Almost 18 years ago, when gay marriage
was basically illegal, The New
York Times renamed its “Weddings”
page “Weddings/ Celebrations” and
started printing in its Sunday Style section accounts
of same-sex unions. So we have The
Times to thank for the fact that, since 2002,
queers have enjoyed equal rights to transcend
news stories of endless war and detention camps
by dreaming of the Cuisinarts, salad spinners,
and Martha Stewart cupcake carriers that are
now societally-sanctioned as gay wedding gifts.
Could queer life get more equal?
Nope. Per usual, the zeitgeist will have its way
with us. Here are some gay wedding announcements
that didn’t made it into print.
Weinstock, Hanrahan: True Love Amid Psychic
Damage
In a simple backyard ceremony next to their
rose trellis, Gloria Weinstock, 40, a Brooklyn
social worker, and Patricia Hanrahan, 44, a pediatric
nurse, pledged their lifelong devotion to
one another amid the boos and catcalls of their
parents, Mr. and Mrs. Herschel Weinstock of
Washington Heights and Mr. and Mrs. Joseph
P. Hanrahan of Red Hook.
“This is disgusting! I am dying here of
shame.”
“You want to tear your mother’s heart out,
Gloria? We brought you up to marry a doctor,
not a nurse!”
“Sure and ye must listen to the wee Jewish
folk, Patsy. Ah, Holy Virgin, please don’t let this
get into The New York Times...
The happy couple met eight years ago at a
queer atheists support group. They describe
their attraction as instantaneous, based on a
mutual love of the acoustic guitar and strikingly
similar, “still gaping” psychological wounds
infl icted during their culturally divergent childhoods.
They live together in Windsor Terrace,
Brooklyn, with two cats and a large selection of
herbal teas. The women plan to honeymoon at
an undisclosed location, in deep therapy.
➤ SAGE SHOWS THE WAY, from p.14
munities like Chelsea. SAGE recognized that
the greatest need for affordable housing among
LGBTQ seniors is in lower income communities
where people of color predominate. As a result,
its fi rst two initiatives are not in Manhattan,
but rather Brooklyn and the Bronx.
Fort Greene, of course, has undergone tremendous
gentrifi cation dating back to the
1990s, but is still home to many people of color.
With Stonewall House, SAGE has made an incremental
contribution to affordable housing
Chiggerbottom, Weaselworth: Minorities
With A Plan
Montague Chiggerbottom, son of Senator
Derrick and Evangeline Claypool Chiggerbottom
of Greenwich, CT, exchanged wedding
vows today with Belvedere Weaselworth, III, son
of Belvedere and Millicent Mellon Weaselworth
of East Hampton, NY. The ceremony took place
at a midtown branch of the Church of Christ
the Investor.
The grooms, both 27, graduated with honors
from Yale University’s MBA program. Introduced
by their parents at a Yale mixer, the men
claim that they did not like each other at fi rst,
especially when their parents told them they
had to get married.
Mr. Weaselworth was especially sulky.
“I said to Mumsy, I don’t want to marry that
man, Mumsy, he’s icky. But Mumsy explained
that she needed a certain amount of marriedhomosexual
cachet if she was to remain on the
board of MoMA. This awakened me to the plight
of the affl uent Caucasian gentry – we are a minority
group, you know. I became furious that
the Trump administration was not looking after
our interests.”
Mr. Weaselworth decided to give this relationship
“a go,” and the pair joined the Log Noggin
Club, an equal rights organization for gay Republicans.
Mr. Weaselworth and Mr. Chiggerbottom’s
love has subsequently grown apace, as each incrementally
realizes the entrepreneurial clout
that a rightwing gay “power couple” might wield
inside the Trump administration.
Mr. Weaselworth plans to host a syndicated
TV talk show, “trouncing abortion rights, while
ignoring the plight of transgenders in the military.
Monty, for his part, will run for Congress
on the anti-immigrant ticket. Isn’t love yummy?”
Mr. Chiggerbottom concurs. “Our youthful,
media-driven charisma will win us beaucoup
props from hide-bound Republicans as we liquidate
the communist queer establishment.
Pete Buttigeig won’t know what hit him.”
The men share a love of country hayrides,
for seniors in the neighborhood, and the benefi -
ciaries are overwhelmingly people of color.
Adams did work enthusiastically with the
LGBTQ community to champion marriage
equality and he did push to provide appropriate
housing for homeless young adults, many
of them queer. For some reason, he now seems
to see a need to question whether SAGE is living
up to its end of the bargain in working in
coalition — and in comments quoted in KingsCountyPolitics.
com, City Councilmember Laurie
Cumbo also sounds skeptical on that score.
But those doubts do not square with the reality
P E R S P E C T I V E : S n i d e L i n e s
Edith Piaf records, and, especially, white supremacy.
Holly, Difrencho: Ok-Boomers!
Veteran folk singer Nearly Holly and pomo-
Goth songstress Franki DiFrencho were united
today in a commitment ceremony on a sound
stage in Central Park, while hundreds of New
Yorkers threw frisbees, cooked hot dogs, and
paid little attention. The women, having built
their early singing careers by presenting powerful
women role models to largely lesbian and
queer audiences, have each been in committed,
heterosexual relationships with men for years.
They met at a “Brush Up Your Marriage” retreat
in the Poconos, which they attended with their
male counterparts. Ms. Holly recalls the occasion.
“After the workshop, our guys went out to
load the cars. Franki and I were left in front of a
romantic, crackling fi replace, gazing into each
other’s eyes and getting in touch with some really
old feelings. I asked a question neither of
us dared to voice until that moment: ‘How do
we boost our record sales with the queers now
that we’ve found happiness with the men of our
dreams?’”
Ms. DiFrencho remembers differently. “No
way, babe. You talked about how fucked up lesbians
are cause they only want to see lesbian
performers, and what insular, twisted relationships
they have, and how you were never like
that when you were with women. I was the one
who brought up the promotion crap.”
The pair decided an open-air commitment
ceremony was in order, during which the
women read aloud from their contract, accompanying
themselves on dulcimers: “We, the
undersigned (herein defi ned as “women-lovingwomen
loving-men-loving-women-loving-us”),
agree to a total of not less than 17 concerts, two
CD albums plus streaming rights…”
Ms. Holly and Ms. DiFrencho invite the public
to attend their honeymoon in Woodstock,
where they will appear nightly at the Magenta
Moon Cafe, tickets $10-$750, with a two-drink
minimum..
of the project that SAGE has created.
“Beautiful fl oors” might well disconcert neighbors
who worry about lead paint and rodents,
but Adams, Cumbo, and other local elected offi
cials have all the facts at their disposal to address
unfounded rumors that Stonewall House
is somehow a gentrifi ed incursion into the Ingersoll
Houses community.
Their job is to lead and to acknowledge that
the coalition that won marriage equality still
holds — and has moved on to more daunting
challenges affecting the most vulnerable seniors
among us.
GayCityNews.com | January 2 - January 15, 2020 15
/GayCityNews.com
