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BROOKLYN WEEKLY, JANUARY 5, 2020
Park Slope woman rescues chicken,
names it Elizabeth Warr-hen
Cluck!: Park Sloper Molly Sandley found a home for a wandering chicken who she named Elizabeth
Warr-hen. Photo by Molly Sandley
Our reporter visits new Park Slope stretching studio
BY BEN VERDE
As I lay strapped to a soft
leather bench, fully clothed, but
feeling somehow very vulnerable,
I ask myself, what is this place?
And what am I doing here?
The slim reporter’s notebook
lying nearby suggests that I am
here on assignment, while the
illustrations of fl ayed human
musculature hanging off the
wall imply that this place is Park
Slope’s strange new health salon,
Stretched Out. I’m not sure exactly
what Stretched Out — a socalled
“stretching studio” — is,
but I gather it’s something like
a massage parlor crossed with a
medieval dungeon.
“This is going to be unpleasant,”
Brian Betzu, my handler for
this session, warns me.
Before I can respond, Betzu
digs his elbow deep into the
meaty parts of my hip, and buries
it there for what feels like one
of the longer minutes of my life.
Amid the torment, I recall four
years of college, unpaid internships,
and working nights as a cashier
at Trader Joe’s to subsidize
days spent freelancing. I think to
myself, for this?!
But before the agony can fully
manifest as a bonafi de quarterlife
crisis, Betzu removes his elbow
and the pain in my leg is
replaced by a profound wave of
relief. I can’t tell if it’s simply
the absence of intense pain, or if
my track pants-wearing handler
knocked something loose, but
I can honestly say that, in that
moment, my leg felt pretty good.
Then he started on my other
limbs, and the agony continued.
Stretched Out is John Brancato’s
second stretching studio
— it follows his Bay Ridge location
on 88th Street — where therapists
practice Isolated Stretching,
a form of physical therapy
designed to improve fl exibility
and motion, enhance circulation
and blood fl ow, and prevent pain
by increasing the elasticity of the
muscle joints, according to Brancato.
Isolated stretching is frequently
employed by athletes to
increase their range of motion
and protect against injury, but
doubles as an effective counter
to the chronic pain that results
from the type of sedentary lifestyle
led by yours truly, according
to Brancato.
Whether any amount of
stretching can undo long hours
spent hunched over a keyboard
is beyond the scope of this humble
article, but I can report that
my torture at the hands of Betzu
left me feeling more fl exible heading
out than I felt coming in. That
said, I can think of a few more
pleasant ways to spend a halfhour.
Brian Betzu helps our reporter rattle the dust off his aching bones.
Photo by Caroline Ourso
BY ROSE ADAMS
She has a plan for that
chicken!
A kind-hearted Park
Sloper rescued a wayward
rooster she discovered
strutting along Union
Street on Thursday, before
sending her to live on a
farm in Vermont — but not
before she named the bird
Elizabeth Warr-hen!
Molly Sandley found
the chicken — which is
male, despite being named
after the female presidential
candidate — between
Sixth and Seventh avenues
at 6 pm, trying roost atop
of an eight-foot infl atable
Santa Claus, according to a
Gothamist report.
Sandley scooped up the
left winger and took him
home — where she provided
it with safe haven in
her bathroom, she told the
Brooklyn Paper.
“He was cold and very
hungry, but basically
healthy,” she said.
The Brooklyn bird hero
kept the the fancy Mottled
Houdan rooster in her
bathroom overnight, and
got to work trying to fi nd
his owners the next day by
posting signs around the
neighborhood and in online
social media groups.
The search for the
chicken quickly began to
spread — even leading to
an announcement over
the intercom at the Park
Slope Food Co-op, said
Sandley.
“The guy at the front
desk got on the intercom
and announced, ‘If anyone
lost a live rooster on Union
Street last night, email
hey that smychicken@
gmail.com,'” Sandley
wrote in a Facebook post.
But despite Sandley’s
best efforts, no owners
came forward to claim
ownership over Elizabeth
Warr-hen.
Sandley’s adoption of
Warr-hen came as a relief
for the bird, who’s been
spotted waddling around
the borough for several
days.
On Dec. 17, Fort Hamilton
residents uploaded a
video of the same breed of
chicken on the crime-reporting
app Citizen — fi ve
and a half miles away from
where Sandley scooped
him up two days later!
“It’s the same chicken,
but very far away from that
location!! Omg. How did he
get so far?” Sandley wrote
about the Fort Hamilton
rooster.
Because of the bird’s
long time on the lam, Sandley
decided to give up on
trying to fi nd his owner,
and gifted him to a friend
who lives in Vermont.
Hopefully, Elizabeth
Warr-hen’s new owner will
have the good sense to rename
the Brooklyn bird
turned Vermonter “Birdie
Sanders” upon his arrival
to the Green Mountain
State.
Representatives of Senator
Elizabeth Warren’s
presidential campaign did
not respond to requests for
comment.
/gmail.com