COURIER L 18 IFE, FEBRUARY 5-11, 2021
Heart Health
How to talk to your kids
about heart disease
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You or your partner has just been
diagnosed with heart disease.
How will you tell your kids?
First, realize that this will not be
one conversation; it will be a series
of conversations, says Dr. Jennifer
Connor-Smith, a clinical psychologist
based in Portland, OR. Prepare what
you want to say and end the conversation
with an open-door policy. Also,
make sure to get started sooner rather
than later.
“It is easy for parents to get hung
up on the possibility that they might
say something wrong, and then end up
putting off the conversation,” she says.
“It is important to know that not quite
the perfect thing said with love and
good intentions is better than a conversation
that never happens.”
Here’s how to get started
Pick a good time: When is your
child most receptive to serious conversation?
Right before bed? On a car ride?
On a walk around the neighborhood?
Connor-Smith recommends thinking
carefully about the best time to have a
conversation before launching in.
Give information piece by piece:
Not all kids will jump to the “are you
going to die?” conversation. Some of
them will have more practical questions.
They may want to see a model
of a heart to understand what is happening.
Others will want to know if
your disease means a cancellation of
next week’s vacation. Let out information
slowly and then wait for questions
to come. “When children ask questions,
ask them to tell you what they
are thinking about or if they have a
special worry on their mind at the moment,”
she recommends. “The more
information you can get from them,
the better you will understand what
they are thinking.”
Explain it’s not their fault: Since
some children may blame themselves
for a parent’s disease, it is important
to be clear about their lack of fault.
“Younger children may worry that
they caused your heart disease because
they may have said, ‘I hate you’
in the past when they were angry,”
says Connor-Smith. “Make sure to tell
them that the disease is not their fault
and that there are things you can do
to make things better, like exercising
and eating healthy.”
Make them feel secure: Negative
health news can cause children
to worry about a change in daily routine,
says Connor-Smith. Abate these
fears by explaining what day-to-day
changes to expect and how long they
will last — from who will pick them
up at school when you are at a doctor’s
appointment, to who will pack their
favorite lunch. “This is a great place
to accept help from friends,” she says.
“If they offer, ask them to help pack
lunches and pick up your kids from
sports practices. It will help your children
cope if you can keep their routines
in order.”
Do not talk about your concerns:
According to Connor-Smith, the biggest
mistake parents can make is to
share their personal concerns with
their children, e.g. the fi nancial cost of
treatment and how it will affect one’s
profession. She says, “Those things
need to stay adult concerns. They
should not be shared with children;
they will only make the child feel more
anxious and helpless.”
— Courtesy of American Heart Association