Is closure ever possible?
COURIER LIFE, MAY 1-7, 2020 23
BY BROOKLYN PAPER
We hear people talking
about “closure” as if there is
a door that can be shut after
experiencing a tragedy in
our lives, losing a loved one
or being witness to a horrific
event such as the terrorist
attack on the World
Trade Center.
Friends might ask,
“Haven’t you reached closure
yet?”
Grief cannot be forced
or pushed or closed off
from our minds. There is
no magic formula for working
through grief. The fact
of the matter is that grief
must be expressed and dealt
with.
We all experience and react
to loss in different ways
depending on the relationship
of the deceased to us,
our past experiences with
loss, and sometimes even
our health and emotional
state.
Grieving for a lost loved
one can take years, sometimes
a lifetime.
According to Curtis Rostad,
a Certified Funeral Service
Practitioner who has
been a licensed funeral director
since 1973, there is
no such thing as closure. He
maintains that those who
refuse to begin the journey
through grief simply delay
their own recovery.
Rostad goes on to explain
why he thinks the concept
of closure is mentioned so
often in today’s culture. “It
should come as little surprise
that a generation of
people brought up with minute
rice, instant coffee and
microwave ovens would
search for quick relief from
something we call grief,” he
says.
“We hear it from those
who go to the scene of a disaster
where their family
member has died. We hear it
from those who witness the
execution of the person convicted
of killing their loved
one. We hear it expressed
by those who have someone
missing in war.”
In Rostad’s long experience
in helping families deal
with grief, he has found that
seeking closure only produces
feelings of frustration
that join the emotions of sorrow.
There is no closure, but
there is a point where people
have a great deal of acceptance,
even peace of mind,
and are able to move on to a
different frame of mind.
It’s a frame of mind that
leaves them supported by
the memories, but empowered
to continue with their
lives knowing they did all
they could do with respect
to the person they lost. Why
would anyone seek closure?
Why would anyone want to
close the door on thoughts
about a departed loved one?
Grief will soften in the
years after a loss, but the
door to memories should always
be open.
– Story Courtesy NYS Funeral
Directors Association
Coping with Death
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