COPING WITH DEATH
Baby Boomers plan unique yet traditional funerals
TIMESLEDGER | QNS.COM | JULY 31-AUG. 6, 2020 17
We sympathize when we
see someone experiencing
grief caused by the
death of a loved one, but
there is something especially
poignant about a child who
grieves over the loss of a parent,
grandparent, sibling, or even a
beloved pet.
When children experience
the death of a loved one they
grieve just as adults do, but they
may not be able to verbalize their
sorrow.
To compound this, many
adults may not feel comfortable
dealing with children’s sadness,
especially when grieving themselves.
They don’t know how to start
the conversation, they don’t
know what to say, and, especially,
they are fearful of saying the
wrong things.
So what can you do? There
are many wonderful books that
can help. For example, in “Helping
Children Grieve,” Theresa
Huntley includes some basic suggestions
excerpted here that will
help adults who want to console a
grieving child:
• Be aware of personal feelings.
When we are in touch
with our own feelings (sadness,
loss, regret), we will be
better able to help bereaved
children deal with theirs.
• Recognize that each
child’s level of understanding
is different. Provide the children
with information and responses
appropriate for their
age level.
• Recognize that each child
will grieve differently.
• Encourage questions.
• Encourage the expression
of feelings. Let children know
that it is okay to show their
emotions.
• Encourage participation in
events following the death. Tell
the children about the events
that will be taking place (i.e.,
wake, funeral, burial). Give the
children permission to choose
the extent of their participation.
• Help a child to commemorate
the life of the deceased.
• Try to maintain a sense of
normalcy. To restore some semblance
of security, try to follow
the children’s normal routine as
closely as possible.
Also, the popular television
show “Sesame Street” has many
wonderful resources to help connect
with a child who is mourning.
Children generally grieve in
different ways than adults. As
family and caregivers, we can
recognize this and guide them
with love through a difficult
time. Ask your family funeral director
for names of local bereavement
counselors who can help.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral
Directors Association
Funerals have been held
since the dawn of time to honor
and remember a departed loved
one. There is always a common
thread -- the importance of memorialization.
Now, however, with the Baby
Boomer generation, a new element
has been added to the traditional
funeral.
Calling hours and other
traditional rites are still an important
part of remembrance.
But many Baby Boomer funerals
are taking on a whole new
look. They are becoming very
personalized remembrances
-- reflecting the individual and
his or her interests in life.
We know that the ancient
Egyptians buried artifacts to
help the departed spirit in the
afterlife.
Excavated tombs have
yielded myriad items including
games and tools that the spirit
might want.
It is interesting to note that
this practice is popular once
more as Baby Boomers request
their favorite sports equipment
such as golf clubs, tennis balls
and team jerseys be placed in
the casket.
Mountain bikes and canoes
have been displayed during calling
hours. Even the casket can
become a reminder of the Baby
Boomers’ interest in sports.
A New York City funeral
director said that a departed
football fan was laid to rest in a
casket featuring a Notre Dame
logo and team colors on panels
and the corner caps.
In Upstate New York, one funeral
featured a jazz band playing
on the porch of the funeral
home.
Another funeral highlighted
the departed’s interest in handicapping
horse races by simulating
his kitchen - complete
with tip sheets and race results
broadcast from a radio.
Baby Boomers are also
known for their interest in preserving
the environment.
At several sites in New York
State, as well as in other parts
of the country, “green” cemeteries
and natural burial plots are
available. There are no underground
vaults, no mausoleums
and minimal landscaping so the
cemetery grounds are kept in a
more natural state.
Some families have asked
funeral directors to have a tree
planted in memory of the departed
loved one, thus helping
to renew forest life.
There are companies that
blend cremated remains with
concrete to form reef structures
then place them in selected
ocean sites to form undersea
“memorial reefs.”
These reefs are ecologically
beneficial because they form
a natural habitat for undersea
creatures.
Today’s funeral director is
likely to be a Baby Boomer and
more than happy to arrange a
funeral for you that will be truly
memorable and a celebration of
your life.
When you start to preplan
your funeral, be sure to discuss
your desires with your family
and your neighborhood funeral
director so that you, too, can have
a truly personalized funeral.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral
Directors Association
HELPING CHILDREN
DEAL WITH GRIEF
/QNS.COM
