50 DECEMBER 17, 2020 RIDGEWOOD TIMES WWW.QNS.COM
COPING WITH DEATH
Is closure ever possible?
We hear people talking about
“closure” as if there is a door
that can be shut aft er experiencing
a tragedy in our lives, losing a
loved one or being witness to a horrifi c
event such as the terrorist attack on the
World Trade Center.
Friends might ask, “Haven’t you
reached closure yet?”
Grief cannot be forced or pushed or
closed off from our minds.
There is no magic formula for working
The fact of the matter is that grief must
be expressed and dealt with.
We all experience and react to loss in
diff erent ways depending on the relationship
of the deceased to us, our past
experiences with loss, and sometimes
even our health and emotional state.
Grieving for a lost loved one can take
years, sometimes a lifetime.
According to Curtis Rostad, a Certifi ed
Funeral Service Practitioner who has
been a licensed funeral director since
1973, there is no such thing as closure.
He maintains that those who refuse to
begin the journey through grief simply
delay their own recovery.
Rostad goes on to explain why he
thinks the concept of closure is mentioned
so oft en in today’s culture. “It
should come as little surprise that a
generation of people brought up with
minute rice, instant coff ee and microwave
ovens would search for quick relief
from something we call grief,” he says.
“We hear it from those who go to the
scene of a disaster where their family
member has died. We hear it from those
who witness the execution of the person
convicted of killing their loved one. We
hear it expressed by those who have
someone missing in war.”
In Rostad’s long experience in helping
families deal with grief, he has found that
seeking closure only produces feelings
of frustration that join the emotions of
There is no closure, but there is a
point where people have a great deal
of acceptance, even peace of mind, and
are able to move on to a diff erent frame
It’s a frame of mind that leaves them
supported by the memories, but empowered
to continue with their lives knowing
they did all they could do with respect to
the person they lost.
Why would anyone seek closure? Why
would anyone want to close the door on
thoughts about a departed loved one?
Grief will soft en in the years aft er a
loss, but the door to memories should
always be open.
Courtesy of NYS Funeral Directors
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Serving all cemeteries in the Tri-State area Hess-Miller Funeral Home
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At the rear entrance of All Faiths Cemetery
ANTHONY J. MARTINO, Lic. Mgr.
DAVID L. MARTINO, Director
Owned By Martino F.H., Inc. Since 1982
1-718-821-6660 or 1-800-479-6419
Serving Ridgewood, Maspeth,
Middle Village & Glendale
64-19 Metropolitan Ave., Middle Village, N.Y.